Not The Way It's Supposed To Be

Today was my day to go to my classroom. First time since March 13th. That's longer than summer.

It was so so sad.

How we wanted to go back and we held out hope that it might happen.

But of course it didn't.

I packed their desks. Took things off the walls. Covered the shelves.

This year there will be no visit from Scott when he meets my class and does a read aloud.

No pictures with me.

No end of year activities.

No hugs and tearful goodbyes.

My closed up classroom is depressing, really.

Just sad.

Usually this time of year is so exciting and so happy! We are days away from summer break. Days! It's so wonderful we can taste it. We are usually so exhausted from lack of sleep and so many end of the year things that we are running on the hope that summer is just around the corner.

This year. So different. I've had time to garden. Time to rearrange. Time to decorate. Time to paint.

Sure, there are more home projects I still dream of doing. It's not that we're 'all done' of course. But usually I just can't wait to dive into a few things because summer is days away. This year it just feels weird.

Usually we have a big trip planned. We are abuzz of conversation all about a trip in late July. This year we will be home.

I love home. I adore T I M E at home. I do.

But it just feels out of place and strange.

And after over 29 Google Meetings every week (for 12 weeks) After helping my daughters through 12 weeks of distance learning we are ready for it to end.

But it's ending so sad.

I know that I'll come up with a plan for the summer to 'feel like' summer - it's just not there yet.

This is what my June 9th classroom looked like when I left today. I felt like I couldn't take a deep breath. I was sad.

I got into the car to drive home and I heard this song. And YES He is still my God. And I will praise Him.

I praise Him for the many silver linings in this. I praise Him for the health of my little family. I praise Him for a career that I adore and that I will do again IN the classroom. I just praise Him.

For that is truly where my strength comes from.