In fourth grade at the elementary school the children start a musical instrument. They can either pick a band instrument or one from the strings orchestra. Most children of course have never played but Anna is still nervous. She's been playing the viola since Kindergarten and I've told her that she'll feel so good because it'll be so easy for her. (finally something easy for her)
But then the teacher just called me to say that he'd like to start her in the fifth grade orchestra since she's been playing for so long. He thinks she'll be bored if she starts with her classmates in fourth grade.
I agreed to whatever he thought best, and even agreed to bring her on Monday morning early early to meet him so that he can see her level and catch her up with note reading. (Her sazuki lessons for all of these years are not note reading and all ear)
So I'm off the phone and I panic. First for Anna. How am I even going to tell her that she's going to be with fifth graders? And then I think about our morning. How can I get her to school 20 minutes early? It takes every last second to get my allergy Kindergartner to eat just enough bites before heading out the door.
And then there's changing Anna's routine. With her PTSD she can't have a change in routine. She even doesn't like when I park in a different space in the morning. Getting her to school extra early, meeting a teacher she's never met, working with him one on one, oh my word....
Like I said, parenting is a rollercoaster. Some days, like right now I long for my babies to be home all little. One on my hip and the other playing with leggos on the floor right next to me. Life seemed so much more simple then. Oh I'd do that day in a heartbeat over this one. (and the one that will come Monday morning when I tell Anna all of this and she begs me not to take her early)
It's a balance that tricky to figure out. How much to do push your kids out of their comfort zone knowing that in the end it might be a wonderful experience? With this situation I'm not quite sure. I suppose I'll take it one step at a time and see how she does.
One thing I do know though is that being a mother is not for the weak, and that situations will only get more complicated and more serious as the years go on. One day far from now I'll look back at this whole 'fifth grade orchestra but she's only a fourth grader' problem as easy peasy. I'll think "that was hard? That was nothing." So the bottom line is that I'll enjoy each milestone, each stage and step of being Anna and Abigail's mother. It's all so wonderful.
Can I just do these days again?
This is so beautiful, Tara. And oh so true. I think each and every stage of mothering has its own set of challenges and worries. It seems that as we are wading through the uncertainty, each worry seems larger and more troublesome than the last. But somehow as we nurture and love and move on to the next stage, that worry becomes more distant and maybe less challenging than we first thought. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, and perhaps it does a bit, but worries about teenagers are just as hard! Now I think about curfews and parties and decisions my daughter must make when I am not there with her.
ReplyDeleteI think the best I can do is love and trust and pray that I have given each of my littles the strength and courage to make the best choices possible. Just by reading your words and concerns and love about and for your daughters, I can clearly see you are doing just that! Have a wonderful weekend Tara. And when you figure out a way to get back to those moments like the precious one in your last photo... please let me know! : )
oh this is so tough tara and i know exactly what you mean about knowing when to push and when to back off. it is a tricky dance for sure. i am anxious to see how all of this will turn out for you and anna. but i do know one thing...it will be a learning experience either way and sometimes even the parts of life that don't turn out "exactly" the way we planned still have many lessons buried in them.:) does that make sense?!:)
ReplyDeletehav a happy day tara
PS
precious photo!!!