I looked at the calendar and figured it out. Except for one dinner out for our anniversary and a mini lunch alone I haven't been "off", not in mommy mode since the last day of school. I'm not complaining, really, well maybe a little. It's just that this summer Scott started PhD level classes (nights,ugh) and it's all starting to get to me. Now that the classes are at a rest it's his 'busy season' at work. Trying to open up an elementary school is hard work. I'm home not just for the girls but to support him in what he does. But I'm tired. I don't think I've finished a thought before a...."moooooomy.....can you.....?" since May. Glad to do it. There's no place I'd rather be. But the piles left all over are getting to me because the girls and 'their summer' comes first. Our yard which usually looks like park looks like the man of the yard was away for the summer. (buried in classes and papers, and when he's not.... he's WITH the girls) And then the answering machine just now at 7:15 pm... "Hi girls. Hi hon... I love you. Hope you're having a good night. I'm going to be a little late...." and I feel like I want to cry. But I don't. I pull my scraggly, needing a manicure more than you know, self upstairs with a smile. Because it's 'their summer' and I love and adore them. I'm grateful to be here in the trenches... really I am. There's no place I'd rather be. No business clothes on me. Just a half wet bathing suit and an old cover up that I hate. But there's no place I'd rather be. I hear the sound of Anna reading to Abigail. It's the new pile of library books we got out today. I can tell they are sitting on the kitchen floor together and the sound of them makes my heart melt. I am grateful; I am happy... but oh so tired.
Ever feel this way?
I am grateful for...
~ five year old still as her little voice with words she says wrong like "zewing" instead of sewing
~the closer than close sister relationship
~time, tons of uninterrupted time this summer for them to play and imagine
~listening to the entire 'Little House' series book by book in the car this summer with the girls
~no TV on for a whole week now
~five year old little feet in the morning
~a snuggle with her
~being needed by little girls
~a nine year old healthy eater
~a hardworking husband who is dedicated to his profession and helping others
~waves on one, shiny black hair on the other
~homemade banana bread and tea
~a front sidewalk of bright yellow flowers that are the best they've ever done
~central air conditioning
~being a stay at home mom from the moment they were placed in my arms
Now... I feel better!
oh tara!! this has to be my favorite post of yours so far....even though it had no photos, i could totally picture it all through your words!!!:) and i know how you feel!! (but maybe not, i had at least some alone time in FL and solo trips to target!! seriously not away at all?!?! that is CRAAAAAZY!!! you deserve a medal for sure! :))
ReplyDeletethe hardest part about doing the job we do is that when we get tired and "sick of it" for a bit it's hard to really vent, because the venting only comes with more guilt! how can we vent and complain about these beautiful souls that God has entrusted to us? how can we complain about the children we dreamed about and prayed for for sooooooo long? well, we can because we are human!:) but when our husbands complain or vent about their jobs it doens't come with the same guilt and mixture of emotions. does that make sense??? we love them to the moon and back so it's hard to complain about having to give them a bath and put them to bed alone...again!! in this business we, as moms have to make sure our love tanks are filled up, because when they are running on empty, it is sooooo much harder to give with gladness. am i right???:) that's why i wished we lived closer, we coulld meet at the park, complain and vent then go out for ice cream!!:)
anyway...longest rambling reply in history!!! just know that you are not alone and that you are doing an amazing thing (which you already knew!) and you are doing it amazingly well (which i HOPE you already knew!)
have a happy day tara!!
PS
and FILL THAT TANK OF YOURS!!! i want a report of at least one solo hour at target this month ok?!?!:)haha