Pressing In To A New Beginning

I have to be honest. My heart is heavy this week. On Thursday we celebrate Anna's Adoption Day. On Thursday just 8 years ago Anna was placed in our arms and for the first time in her 14 month life she was loved. On the one hand I feel giddy with happiness to celebrate our family and the miracle that Anna is. But I can't help knowing and thinking about was it was for her when she waited. I don't know every detail of her life in an overcrowded, hot, dirty orphanage but I was there. I walked the halls, smelled the smells, and cried tears leaving with just one. I pray today and every day that God would make it possible for Scott and I to adopt again. I don't know His plan for our little family but oh I'd do anything to go back to China and bring one lost child home.

I know that I'm struggling lately with coming to terms that our family might possibly have just Anna and Abigail. And believe me I know that there is no "just" with our girls. They are unique and wonderful gifts from God. And I cherish them. I know that all of these feelings are resurfacing because Abigail will be headed through through Kindergarten beautiful double doors in a two weeks. I know that I'm in for some changes in my life. And I don't want them. A baby on my hip, playdoh at the kitchen table at 10am, naps at 1, walks in the park at 11... that's what I love. The simple things in a stay at home mommy's life.

No matter what I FEEL I will embrace where God has me during this new 'season' in my life. I may not on the first day of school or even on the second, but slowly I know I will.

Hanging on to every. last. possible. second of summer...

(this is a video that I shouldn't be watching this week but I just can't help it. It reminds me of where Anna was and that her life is profound)