Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Pressing In To A New Beginning

I have to be honest. My heart is heavy this week. On Thursday we celebrate Anna's Adoption Day. On Thursday just 8 years ago Anna was placed in our arms and for the first time in her 14 month life she was loved. On the one hand I feel giddy with happiness to celebrate our family and the miracle that Anna is. But I can't help knowing and thinking about was it was for her when she waited. I don't know every detail of her life in an overcrowded, hot, dirty orphanage but I was there. I walked the halls, smelled the smells, and cried tears leaving with just one. I pray today and every day that God would make it possible for Scott and I to adopt again. I don't know His plan for our little family but oh I'd do anything to go back to China and bring one lost child home.

I know that I'm struggling lately with coming to terms that our family might possibly have just Anna and Abigail. And believe me I know that there is no "just" with our girls. They are unique and wonderful gifts from God. And I cherish them. I know that all of these feelings are resurfacing because Abigail will be headed through through Kindergarten beautiful double doors in a two weeks. I know that I'm in for some changes in my life. And I don't want them. A baby on my hip, playdoh at the kitchen table at 10am, naps at 1, walks in the park at 11... that's what I love. The simple things in a stay at home mommy's life.

No matter what I FEEL I will embrace where God has me during this new 'season' in my life. I may not on the first day of school or even on the second, but slowly I know I will.

Hanging on to every. last. possible. second of summer...

(this is a video that I shouldn't be watching this week but I just can't help it. It reminds me of where Anna was and that her life is profound)

1 comment:

  1. oh tara....i sooo feel what you are going through and i still have a little one home with me for a bit, but i know THAT day is coming!!!! i am praying for you too and that your heart will be filled and content.

    do you read ashleys blog?? she is just gettinig ready to go to china to meet her daughter. if you haven't been there before, check it out! i know you will love it...everything about it!


    not sure i can click on that video right now...i'm way too emotional, i may need to come back again!!:)


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