This is new ground I'm walking into and I'm edgy, nervous, excited, and sad all at the same time. I think that this week leading up to Abigail, my baby, going into full day Kindergarten is harder than the actual first day of school for me. I have much anxiety about being home without messes, noise, and constant needs. Perhaps I'm afraid that I'll actually have to tackle my 8 year long to-do lists. I'd really rather not organize mounds of out-grown clothes, clean parts of my house that have been neglected for so long, etc. I'd rather be overwhelmed with playdoh messes and hungry, thirsty kids. I'd rather read books over and over to them on the couch than clean under those cushions for sure. Soooo I'm so edgy but trusting the One who knows what my future days will hold. I woke up in the middle of the night last week with all of this swirling in my mind and wishing that on the first day of school I had a baby on my hip and this scripture popped into my head.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11
I felt instant peace.
One thing I know for sure is that marriage and motherhood is my career. I'm grateful to have been a teacher for all of those years. But looking back now I feel like it was a 'holding place' for me until my babies came. One day, perhaps, I'll open a classroom door again; but for now I want to be with my girls when they get home from school. It's as simple as that.
Forgive my ramblings. I'll be better by next Thursday when I'm IN my new normal.
For now... a few pictures from this week that are my favorites. Meet Leah and Maddie... sisters who live a few towns away. I met them at their school for a little back to school photo shoot. It was a fun night. The mosquitoes had a blast too! :)
Oh Tara...I could have written this same post 5 years ago. I too was a teacher before I was a mom. I too knew that motherhood was my calling, my gift from God. I too felt tremendous sadness about no longer having a little at home with me. I received so many offers from well meaning but misunderstanding friends who offered me all sorts of activities that I was "free" to "enjoy" now that my children were all in school.
ReplyDeleteI declined polietly, hung up the phone and cried. I didn't want to join a card club, or a gym. I didn't want to substitute teach, or work in the school office.I wanted to take morning walks with a toddler and snuggle on the couch and watch Little Bear.
In a rare moment of delusion I agreed to a puppy! And he was cute. He kept me busy. We took walks.(Walking a dog is ALMOST as much fun as pushing a stroller!) And I was content. I threw myself into being the best mom to school age children around. And I was surprised at how quickly the day flew by!And I was alright!
And then God surprised us...he blessed us with our little Flynn, and I got to do it one more time. You will be fine, Tara. I promise!
Oh and Cindy is the best!!! I wish we all lived close so we could start a card club! :) Have a great day!
that last picture is AMAZING!! LOVE IT!!!
ReplyDeletethanks so much tara!!:) you are just the sweetest! i feel blessed to call you a friend and so glad i could offer a bit of advice and encouragement when you needed it.
ReplyDeletei had these same feelings of anxiety when janey started preschool. i remember the first day we dropped her off, dave and i went grocery shopping and it felt like the first time i had ever been in the store without a little one with me!! everywhere i looked i saw moms with babies in carriers or in the front of their carts! i serioulsy lost it right there in meijer!!! so i really get the baby on the hip thing!!! and again..you are not alone!:)
those piles of clothes and crumbs under the couch cushions are waiting for me too...so please remind me of all this when aubrey starts school!!!
i love the verse you found. it really is perfect!
and the pictures are beautiful...as always.:)
have a happy day tara
Beautiful photos as always.... and I so understand where you are coming from as a mom. We all have those moments, but we know in our hearts there's no other place we'd rather be. Have a great week.
ReplyDeleteBlessings
,Jill