* Anna fell apart last night. It was b.a.d. Kicking, trowing, hitting, whatever came in her path. Sobbing, sweating, and screaming. Pure PTSD in action. Over homework but it wasn't about the mixed fractions. She was unbalanced, adjusting to her new schedule and new feelings. She was coming off of a day when her cortizol levels must have been screaming high trying to get through her first rehearsal, a bus ride. It's hard for her and she fights each day to feel safe. Just walking down a sidewalk, hallway, sitting in a chair can be painful for her mentally. If it's not her sidewalk, her hallway, her chair that she's used to and claimed. Now before you jump ahead and think, "well you did it to her. You push her into all of these things." Yes, I wrestled with that last night. Every new step she takes in life is going to do this for her. We're just giving her little opportunities to experience victory over them now. And her eyes. She was sparkling when she stepped out of Inter El yesterday. She was so proud of herself and loved it. Now that she knows how the walls around her feel in that new orchestra room and what chair is hers she'll be fine. I love her so but I can't take her pain away. I just have to help her through it all. She'll be okay.
* Last night I got a voicemail from another Inter El parent asking me if I wanted to carpool so that I only have to pick Anna up every other week. Sounded good to me (never done a carpool before). I especially liked (okay loved) the part when the mom said, "I'm sure you have other things you need to do with your... get ready for this... little one." Yes, she called Abigail my little one. I LOVE that because I feel like the days of me having a 'little one' tagging along with me; hand in mine are fast slipping away. Thank goodness that my first grade looks like she four when she's out and about with me. Still my little one. So the voicemail solidified the fact that I'm still a mom with a 'little one'. Ohhhh that made me happy!
And some random pictures to go along with these random thoughts
Abigail took her first bite of lunchbox fruit. This was it.. and boy did we celebrate! Eating is a BIG deal with Abigail!
It was jammie day at school and Abigail wanted to see the back of her hair that I curled that morning.
We had our second bible study.
I love spending this time with the girls. My thoughts quiet in my mind and I soak in all the thoughts they give me. Replacing my thoughts with Gods Word is always good medicine.
Tara...
ReplyDeleteHow blessed is you sweet Anna to have parents who understand, encourage, and above all, love her sooo very much.
As she blesses you, you do the same for her. : )
I am honored to share motherhood with you, my friend.
Hugs and love from cold PA! : )
You are a great mother, and so raw and open with us - a true testimony to your absolute love of your little ones!
ReplyDeleteOh Tara how blessed Anna is to have such loving and encouraging parents. You are such a loving mom.
ReplyDeleteso sorry for anna's pain and uncertainty!:( but you are right...you can love her, but you can't take it all away. and i think giving her these little challenges in a loving and somewhat controlled environment is just what she needs really. to start feeling that success...good for you guys!:)
ReplyDeletelove abigail's little victory too!
and your bible study time. i can imagine that is calming and so sweet for the soul.
have a happy day tara