Monday, August 18, 2014

Ten Years Ago Today (The Story of Anna, part 8)

Ten years ago today we traveled two hours on a bus with baby Anna to her orphanage. The sights, the sounds, the smells forever etched in my head and heart.

I will tell you that I tried to keep this post as unemotional as possible.  I am only showing a few of the best pictures.  The ones that are too sad I just can't put out there.  So here we go...

Sleeping in her daddy's arms the entire two hours.

113_1314

113_1315_r1

We drove into a strange place

113_1317

I scanned my eyes and tried to remember every detail of this town. It is very likely that her birth parents live here I thought. My heart wanting to know more but there is nothing I can do to find out.

and walked up this alleyway

113_1319_r1

into the Diangqian Social Welfare Institute.

Now I must tell you that these photos are difficult to see. But I can not tell the story of Anna without telling the part where she lived for fourteen long months.

And I must also tell you that we took over a hundred photos so that we could at home post them on the orphanage website that American and parents from all over the world search for their child once they have the referral photo. Other parents had visited the orphanage and taken and posted photos and we've been able to find Anna. This is one.

She is the fourth after the first group of three in the front.

Walker+Babies[1]

Each and every photo is a gift. A link to her life before us. And we are grateful. So we did the same hoping that others would be able to find their child.

These babies I don't know but they are still in my prayers ten years later.  Whatever became of them I don't know.  If they were adopted or if they just live now in China never having a family.  They are not easy to see.

113_1332

I scooped her right up and kissed her. I whispered prayers into her sweet ears. And kissed her some more. I held her and Anna at the same time. (It was over 100 degrees) and rocked back and forth.

113_1335

113_1336

113_1340

But I had to put her down eventually.

This is how Anna spent fourteen months.

113_1341

She's a miracle.

113_1342

All of the nannies wanted to hold my baby and say goodbye. I didn't want to hand her over. But I didn't feel like I could say no. Scott snapped pictures and I never took my eyes off of her. My hands always touching her. How confused she must have been.

113_1330

113_1362

113_1375

I asked our translator to ask the orphanage director what happened to the care package we sent Anna. He led me to this room. I'm not sure why he showed me. Ripped open boxes (a whole room of them) with the candy or whatever gifts parents sent the nannies taken out and the toys for the babies still inside.

113_1360

He let me dig through and find what I had sent Anna.

113_1358_r1

Words really can not describe my two hours in the orphanage. I wrestle with feelings of anger that she had to live like that, gratitude that she was kept alive by the nannies, and just plain saddness.

Once back on the bus it was really the greatest relief ever. My girl in my arms. Safe and sound.

113_1385

113_1390_r1

This day of our trip in China felt like a turning point for us as a family. And it was about to get a whole lot better.

5 comments:

  1. Tara,
    I have no words.
    Just emotions inside my heart.
    Thank you for sharing every part of this story with us...
    Love you. : )

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love reading this story. Thanks for sharing

    ReplyDelete
  3. These post have been so emotional for me to read. I just think of those babies laying there all day or the babies who are. It adopted by loving families.
    Thank you for sharing this with us....

    ReplyDelete
  4. The care packages! Oh my gosh, Tara. How heart breaking. Being one of those parents who wanted to send one to our little one in Korea, but was told it would be better we didn't. Is this what they were trying to tell my husband and I?

    All those little babies! In Korea, they are placed immediately at birth into the baby hospital. They spend about 2 weeks, give or take, there until they are placed with their foster families. The agency we used, had one huge building that housed everything from the baby hospital, to the main offices, to the meeting room, to the hotel rooms and shared kitchenettes. All under one roof, which was so convenient. We had the opportunity to volunteer in the baby hospital with feedings and diaper changes. I remember running my fingers over the name tags that also announced the birth date of each newborn. Some were born just that day! I held and took care of as many as I could because my son had been there. I just wanted to give some kind of spiritual hope to a waiting family ...some sign that would let them know their little one was being loved and held.

    I have similar pictures of a "home" and think of them quite often. The home had "unwanted children" who would never be adopted. There parents never signed official papers so they were "lucky" by being dropped off at these facilities. We visited one of the facilities in Seoul and the little pre schoolers just CLUNG to us. They desperately wanted to be touched and loved by us. I have pictures, but I can still see them vividly in my mind!

    ReplyDelete
  5. oh my goodness!
    i know you and i know you wanted to take every little soul home!
    oh the joy and agony all wrapped up in those moments.
    i felt it

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...