Friday, August 8, 2014

Motherhood, Just Some Thoughts and the Story of Anna part 1

On our way to church a few weeks ago. I asked Scott to grab the camera. It was pouring and I was telling her that Daddy would be carrying her into church so that her feet didn't get wet. And then I thought that was silly because, well, she's 7 and her feet can get wet. They do dry. But she's our baby, so when it's raining and we headed into church without rain boots daddy carries her.

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She looks big to me here. Starting second grade at the end of the month is big. I know you all know this feeling well. Most of the time we are busy. Too busy doing life to realize how they are changing. But then something, a song they sing, the way they said something, or like me, seeing this picture, they've changed. And there is nothing I can do about it.

Except that there is. I have today. I can cuddle, love, cook for, dance with, teach, pray for, play with her today. So I stop. Put down the to do's and do just that. And it feels good. I'm like a tape recorder when I decide to stop. I turn it on record so that I have that laughter as we play Mermaids, a board game, again.

Tonight I laid with her as she listened to Raffi sing (as I do every single night) and as I started to get up our conversation was the same it is each night.

"When are you coming back?"

"Three minutes."

"Two minutes."

"Okay, I'll see you in two minutes."

And as in the case after two minutes every night she's fast asleep with a pile of her "friends" in front of her face.

I pray over her. Ask God to heal her esophagus. Tell her I love her and that I'll see her in the morning.

Each and every night I'm grateful for that.

This journey of motherhood is the most amazing journey, isn't it?

Over the next few weeks I'll be sharing our journey of adoption and our trip to China.  We will be celebrating ten years as a family soon and I want to give you all a peek into our lives ten years ago.

Ten years ago tonight we were four days away from becoming parents.  It was such a cool feeling.  We were elated and scared.  But so in love with her tiny picture and the promise that God had chosen her for us.  I still am elated with that little fact.  So come with me back to China as I remember ten years ago.

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Ten years ago toady was an August day of course. I had closed the door to my classroom in June and was home all summer getting ready. I slept with her picture under my pillow. I propped it up so she was at the table with me. I carried her everywhere I could. I was so very excited but also so sad because I wanted her THEN... I didn't want her in an orphanage one more minute. But I had to wait.  Scott and I found a website where families who had traveled to China to adopt and visited her orphanage posted pictures they took.  I was on it every single day searching for her.  We did find her and it was such a sad picture.  She looked sick and she was sad.  She was in her crib just sitting there.

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I don't think I'd ever prayed more in my life.  Ten years ago in August I barely slept knowing she was there and I was here.  I still have trouble looking at that picture.  I prayed, 'someone please pick her up.  Wipe her nose.  Hold her.'  Oh those eyes...  no longer looking for love because she had no idea what love was.  But then just four days later... oh what joy to be the one to show her love, to love on her, to touch her, to hold her.  We rescued each other.  We found love together.  She filled up a part of my heart that I didn't know was empty.  Those sad eyes never left my sight.  And slowly, very very slowly those eyes began to twinkle and didn't look so vacant.

I promise the story gets better.  It's not a fairy tale.  But it's ours.  And I'm finally ready to share it.

3 comments:

  1. Tara your pictures brought tears to my eyes....all of them. I am having an emotional week. On Wednesday Juliana and Nicolas go back to school...second and sixth grade and then Monday the 18th Isabella starts high school. I want these next few days to last forever I don't want school to start and I don't want my babies to grow up.

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  2. Tara...
    Thank you.
    Thank you for sharing this incredible journey with us...
    I wish so badly I had been a part of your life back then...
    But am so happy to remember it now with you. : )

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  3. oh that abigail!! she is growin up huh? i know RIGHT where you are on this one! aubrey starting K and soccer and dance all in one month...what the heck was I thinking?!?!:)
    but you are right, savoring those moments, recording thoughts here, pictures, video...will all be ways we can hold on to that little just a little bit longer!
    and that picture of anna and your words here....tugging at my mama's heart. big time!!!
    have a happy day tara

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