Thursday, August 18, 2011

Dear Chinese Birthmother

I feel like I need to say something profound but I don't know what to say.  Perhaps I can let the pictures do the talking. 

adoption day 1

Some must think that I make to much of all of this.  (what? adoption day?  I know a ton of kids who were adopted)  But I know I'm right.  It is amazing, her life's journey.  This week we celebrate her journey.

Do you know that my child is extra special?  Do you know my child will never have the answers to questions I wish I could give her?  Do you know my child always, ALWAYS held her own bottle, and yes it makes a difference.  The reason that she's startled so easily is that she was "wired" wrong from a cycle of not being loved for 14 months. 

adoption day 2

Letting a balloon go with a note attached is just a tiny little gesture.  It just barely scratches the surface of the situation.  But she's only 8 and it's all I can think to do. 

adoption day 3

What do I wish I could do?  Sometimes I wish I knew the circumstances.  Sometimes I wish I could find out the where and the why.  Sometimes I wish I could just have one quick look to see what she looked like.  But sometimes I don't.  Perhaps it's too much to know.  Perhaps, well not perhaps, I know I'm not meant to know.  Not knowing makes Anna, Anna.  Not knowing makes me want to hold on even tighter.  Not knowing makes me work harder to understand who she is now and how I can help. 

I'm blessed to have "done both" as I say.  Some say, 'I just love all of my children; it doesn't make a difference that one was adopted'.  I say no.  It DOES make a difference.  I love harder, I try harder, I ache more, I want more for her and that's okay.  Abigail will always hear, "she looks just like you..." when we're together. 

adoption day 4

Deliberate, fierce love, that's what I feel this week.  And I'm proud of it.  You are loved Anna, you are loved. 

Okay, now I'm off my soap box...

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