We went out to dinner last night. We never eat out. Every single time we've eaten out it's been such a big deal that there is a picture of it on this blog. Don't feel bad for me. I love eating at home, our food. And with allergies it just complicates things too much for me.
But last night was day 4 of our kitchen torn apart. I managed to "cook" without my kitchen for the first 3 nights but on night 4 there was just no way.
Scott had a gift card for a cute little boutique type restaurant so we went there. Great food.
The food there is amazing. And they could 'kind of' help us with the allergies. The service extraordinary.
But what if...
what if the waitress didn't come up to our table and say, "so are they sisters or just friends??" (meaning because the two girls that sat across from us in the booth look completely different)
"No, they are sisters" I quickly said and I must have looked at her like she had two heads.
She didn't do anything wrong. I guess you couldn't really be sure they are sisters. Makes sense.
But what if she came over to the table and said, "How old are you girls?" instead.
It was a one second question that although Anna is not affected by it at all, seeps into her being. And so her recording can have another track...."I don't look like my family..." "I don't belong" "I'm different"
It is my mission to erase those recordings by filling my daughter with "you are beautiful" "God made you in his image" "You are a child of the most high God" "You are our daughter, chosen by us." "You are just what we need." "You are talented, creative, smart, and yes beautiful"
And then later the manger/owner came to the table to check on us. He said, (honest, he really stopped, looked at us and said)
"There should be more red heads in the world" "Yes, I think there should be more red heads in the world" (talking about Abigail's hair)
For goodness sake!
Yes, I know that I have two unique looking daughters, but why does the tiny, red haired one ALWAYS get a comment or two when we are out and about. Always the hair.
But what if...
what if the manger came over, stopped in his tracks, looked at our family, and said, "I think there should be more Chinese daughters in the world" "Yes, I think there should be more adoptive, beautiful families."
What if that seeped down into Anna instead?
Instead of my little red haired sister is beautiful and everyone notices her...
Once again it is my mission in life to erase those thoughts and fill her with "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" "I was knit together" "I am beautiful"
Sometimes I wish that people would just not say anything.
Nothing at all.
Aw, I am so sorry. I am sure the waitress was trying to be friendly however in a world of such a diversity within families & Asian children adopted as well, It is a bit rude to ask such a question. I think people should be a little more sensitive to those kind of comments. I understand how you must feel about Abigail always getting the compliment or noticed because I get that often with my 2 daughters Ava & Abby. Abby is so sweet and has the biggest heart ever!! Like ever! She is care taker and is such a lovable person. Always asking if I need help! Always anticipating the needs of others and joyfully in hurry to help her sibblings or anyone at all! Anything you ask her to do, she always gives her all!!! She is my nurturer. Loves to drink tea with me & enjoys setting the dinner table. Her heart is huge! And then there is Ava who is just naturally talented at EVERYTHING! She is super neat, tidy & meticulous. Her room is never ever messy. She can read a Harry Potter novel in a matter of a few days! She is smart.. like gifted & talented smart! She is just one of those kids who shines at everything she does. You can ask her to do a job and her mediocre attempts outshine my Abby's best. But I know they are both just as special! And because I am Abby's mother & I know her on a more personal level.. I know that Abby many times puts more heart & soul into things than my Ava does but unless you knew her like I know her than my poor Abby goes unnoticed. And to me the effort & love that is put behind something means so much more!!! Plus it does not help that Abby may have a form of dyslexia (still being tested but very like has it) They are only a year apart & are very close... Anyway, Even my own family does it to my girls sometimes without even realizing it & it makes me feel sad. Here's an example.. My girls like to sing and dance, you know "put on a show" whenever we have company. Abby tries her best and is so sweet. And then there is Ava.. Suddenly Ava is performing and it's "Oh let me get that on video!" Or "Oh, Lisa you should really put Ava in theatre!" Or "She is so talented!" RIGHT INFRONT of my Abby :( Or people will say, "Oh her eyes, that Ava is a beauty" but nothing about Abby.. No matter what, Ava always, always, always get the compliments in everything & everywhere we go. So I totally know how that feels. I have tried to talk to my family about it or make it a point to make sure I praise Abby as much as I can but I totally do not like or think it is nice to openly praise or compliment another child infront of another child and the not say anything good about the other kids. Aw, well hugs! And it's a blessing that Anna has parents like you & Scott who consciously make an effort every day to build her up and to feel strong and important and know that God made each and everyone of us special and unique! How boring if we were all the same ;) Our most important qualities & "gifts" that we possess are the ones that come from within.. outward beauty will will fade but what is within us lasts forever! Blessings! Lisa from insta!! (HotCoffee)
ReplyDeleteLiterally in tears... very powerful words my friend.... Hugs!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Jill