Motherhood

In the past few days I've been thinking and praying about my mothering more than usual.
Perhaps it's because the calendar changed to August.
Perhaps it's because we're smack dab in the middle of our summer. (and I've been with them all day, every day since June 16th)

It feels like the Holy Spirit has laid on my heart to pray for my mothering, and has called to my heart some things that grieve me. Things like not enough patience.

But as quick as He brings to my heart to love on my daughters more, to speak with a kind sweetness... He quickly reminds me of all that I am doing well with my mothering this summer. And ahh, that refreshing, knowing it's from the Lord, feels so good.

(photo from May, 2012)


He brings to mind things like how I've structured a summer with wide open spaces, no where to have to go (after the musical is over), and a sweet little, easy-breezy schedule around the house of breakfast, viola practice, time to play in the playroom til lunch, reading on the couch (all 3 of us after lunch), more playing or going to the pool, long dinners with no rushing, and evenings spilled out in front of us, some chores to keep the house running, and time, lots of time.  There has been a lot of things that are going so well and that make my heart happy.

(photo from May, 2012)


But there ARE things I need to improve on.  None of us are perfect, we all have our 'days'.  Days that feel like everything is getting on our nerves.  And so I welcome when it 'weighs' on my heart because it causes me to stop and adjust.  The beginning of August for me certainly needs adjustment.  I adore my daughters; they are every dream come true.  From a little girl with her dolls, pushing baby carriages way later than any other girls, to the one that hoped and dreamed for these gifts God has given Scott and I.  They are still those 'dreams come true', and I am grateful for the reminder that Anna and Abigail are not a "mini me".  They are who THEY are.



I wrote in my God-time prayer journal (the place I take notes on Bible verses that speak to my heart, list prayer requests, and write out what I'm believing for) this morning that I want our home to be a place that:

*** A place that has no harsh or angry words 

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29

*** A place where I model for my daughters not becoming frustrated with one another 

*** A place where there is no blame or shame in our words or tone of our voices

I am often thinking about that scripture that says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children so hey may not become discouraged."  Colossians 3:21 (New American Bible) 

And from another translation "Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children (do not be hard on them or harass them), lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated (do not crush their spirit.)  Colossians 3:21 (Amplified Bible)  

And I so don't want to be that mamma who crushes their little spirit.  I know and love the part of my calling in motherhood that builds them up through affirming words, knowing that those words are seeds in their hearts.  Seeds that will bring a harvest one day.

Proverbs 15:4 "Gentle words bring life and health, a harsh tongue crushes the spirit." 

So this afternoon after thinking about it some last night and spending time in prayer and Bible Study this morning I feel like I need to celebrate my mini victories.  The ONE TIME today what I knelled down and talked to Abigail about her tone of voice.

(photo from September 2008)


 The ONE TIME today when I wanted to tell Anna her viola practice was so short but waited on God's timing (and God's timing led to knowing that I shouldn't say anything) So I celebrate the mini victories today and with with the Holy Spirit to help me surrender to His will instead of following my own emotions or habits.  And it felt good.

My mom was so good at all of this.  It all seemed to come so naturally to her.  All those years.  But was then / is now a mother of great faith and prayer.  So maybe she had moments of 'mid summer' herself.  I know for sure she always leaned on God's help in raising us.

She was a wonderful model for me.  But I can't do it in on her faith.  I need my own prayer, my own Bible study, my own calling out to God for help.  And so I do.  Today I wrote out a few of my favorite Bible verses so that I could think about them throughout the day.

So when

• Abigail takes forever to eat a meal
• When I'm so tired at bedtime
• When Anna takes forever to get ready in the morning
• When the house is messy 

I can remind myself of my purpose/ my role/ my job/ my calling and do it not in my own strength but with the help of the Lord.  

And that I AM

.... the JOYFUL mother of children (Psalm 113) 

(oh how I love that verse)