Friday, March 7, 2014

Update

Dear Friends,

Thank you for your comments, your thoughts, your prayers.  Today was a bad day.  And tonight was even worse.

 Maybe it's because I know that there are situations in life that are far harder than what I faced today.  I know that parents all around the world and in the same hospital we were in this morning  are walking through the unbearable.  I think that's what makes it so hard for me.  I want to have an okay attitude but emotional exhaustion all afternoon and an evening with Scott having to be at his school for 'family dance night' left me weak in all the ways I want to be strong.

Every little thing bothered me.  I was beyond grouchy and the girls, especially Anna felt it.  When I tucked her in I explained about the day, bad results, and why mommy has been acting this way all night she sobbed.  I mean, sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.  I think that most of her tears came from a place of exhaustion herself.  She feels it big on Friday nights.  The end of the week comes crashing down and she can't process her thoughts any other way.  So often her tears come out on Friday nights.

I don't want to complain but I'm tired of walking this path.  I'm tired of feeling and knowing that things can be far worse and that I can not only handle this but that I can handle this in His strength and with His grace.  But tonight I want to sob like Anna did.  Mad like she was that test results couldn't be what we want them to be.  I just want today over.  I want to wake up and just be the way it always is.  EoE and all.  A day when I can push it back and not think about this journey.

Thank you for letting me be so honest here.  Tomorrow will be a better day...

"You, O Lord, are a shield around me;
you are my glory, the one who holds my head high.
I cried out to the Lord,
and he answered me..." Psalm 3: 3,4


5 comments:

  1. Thank YOU for being honest here...
    I want to be there. I want to come over and sit with Anna while you go to your room, close the door, and cry as long as you need.

    I want to make tea for us and sit up late and talk about it while the girls sleep and we wait for your hubby to get home.,

    As it s, know that I am there in heart.

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  2. Sometimes in trying to validate our emotions, we end up making them seem insignificant when we compare our situations to others. And the funny thing is, we don't have to validate our emotions. They exist. Period. By doing so, we end up making ourselves sometimes feel worse. Instead, we should just deal head on with whatever it is that causes us to have an emotional reaction. Sometimes life stinks. It may not stink as bad as someone else's, but it still stinks. So have your cry, your heart ache, and then pick yourself up and move on. Today is a new day, It is a fresh start. It is always better in the morning. Hang in there, for this, too, shall pass :)

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  3. I am so sorry things did not turn out the way you wanted. Praying for peace in the journey that lies ahead. Sometimes it is so hard to understand the whys. Those are the times we must press a little harder into the One Who does know it all. Peace be with you!

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  4. Tara I thought of you and prayed for you a lot on Friday. I had a heavy heart that day as I thought of you sitting at the hospital.
    I wish I could have been there more than just in thought for you.

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  5. seems a little late to reply now...hugs to you ...the morning does make everything better right? and those normal days filled with routines do too!
    have a happy day tara

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