Tomorrow Abigail and I head to the hospital for her twelth endoscopy. It's no big deal. MUSIC (just because I like this song today)
Except for the tightening in my throat.
On my to do list today was 'organize Abigail's notebook'. I started a notebook for each of my girls when they were born. A place to write questions before a yearly well visit. As well as a place to take notes. Abigail's is filled to the brim. (funny how some people worried about the health of a baby from China because she wasn't born from me. That Chinese baby as a notebook that is mostly empty and her 'born from me sister' has one that is over flowing with health concerns) But it's no big deal.
Except for the fact that it's not exactly normal to to have pages and pages of scribbled notes like these.
But I do have sweet drawings from a little girl Anna. These notebooks often kept her busty when we sat in doctors offices for her baby sister. I remember being upset that I forgot her 'fun bag' and I had to let her draw in Abigail's health notebook. Now of course they're little treasures tucked into the ugliness of EoE. But it's no big deal.
And Abigail started drawing her her notebook too
Hooray for five!
When I typed out the summary of her disease I had to go back through her notebook and all of my old calendars to get the dates right. It was good to do. Patterns noticed, a quick page to look and see what we were testing for at each endoscopy. One little typed page looks so neat and simple. But each line was filled with many doctors visits, hospital check ins and so much. It felt good to get it all ready for tomorrow. So we leave the house at 6am. She'll walk in this time holding my hand. I wish she was still little enough for me to carry her in jammies to the check in. I'm sure she wishes that too. This time she knows the 'drill'; knows about the IV and asked to be put to sleep before the IV goes in. I can't grant her that but it's no big deal.
sad for me that the only 'positive' meaning good endoscopies are the ones highlighted. All of the others were bad.
Except that it is. From 6 am until 11 am I'm on. In a way that leaves me so exhausted I'm good for nothing the rest of the day. Truly, really, so tired that I take a nap with her, do puzzles, and color. Laundry waits for another day. Photos wait for another day. Even answering the phone can wait for another day. It's no big deal...
... but I want it done. Tomorrow behind us. And the good news is... it will be.