More Goodbyes

 Last week we had the girls beloved viola teacher and his wife over for dinner. We wanted to give him a chance to say goodbye to Anna before leaving for college. 

He has been her teacher since she was five years old. 

It was a lovely visit - dinner, and talking outside. 

And the best was when they come in to watch a tape I had recorded when Anna was five and Abigail was in diapers, just two during a lesson. We watched that whole lesson and laughed and laughed. It was just the most precious. 

I am grateful for teachers that poured into Anna's life. So so grateful. 

Birthday

A little celebration for the most important daddy 

Homemade yellow birthday cake with dairy-free buttercream frosting

Homemade cards - ones that made him laugh and another that was so sweet

Presents that "felt like birthday" he said (all of the little things you don't need but but love to open)

Anna won't be home on his actual birthday so we had it a little early. 

Just as sweet. 

Memories

 I wonder what that day held, a sprinkler, I'm sure. Or maybe the kiddie pool in our backyard. 

A sandwich with the crust cut off. 

A quiet time in the afternoon (for sure she didn't nap)

Books

Daddy coming home

Snuggles

Snacks

Tickling

Holding

Memories. 

I can't remember this specific day. But I can remember all of the ordinary moments. 

And I am grateful I got to do them all. 

Let's Go Home

I love this book, Let's Go Home, The Wonderful Things About A House by Cynthia Rylant. (here a post that has a picture of that book) 

That book lives on a table in our family room. I've read it oh so many times and the illustrations are just wonderful - even looking through that book is like medicine for too many instagram house scrolls. You know that feeling, when you've scrolled for a little too long and all of a sudden you want a new mirror above your mantle, or many like that farmhouse, shiplap, or the cabinets look so much more appealing that the ones you have, on and on. 

I recently deleted instagram from my phone for the distraction that it is. Distraction from the important things I do and just for the space it frees in my mind. I still have it on my lap top but it's not constantly in front of me. 

When I'm away from other pictures of other homes I see mine in a different way. Simple things, like all of this milk glass. When I look at my things, my home, I develop my own tastes and enjoy my home more.  

I moved around some things in my dining room hutch and have a little less milk glass there. Little collections grouped together, and I like it so much more. And I do so love milk glass that I can pull for anything I need - matches everything - a classic. 

The bowl just above in the picture was my grandmothers candy dish. It was in her living room and I could open it, take a candy, and close it without anyone hearing - I was a pro at that (most of the time) Every once in a while my grandmother would say, "is someone sneaking my candy...." and then I'd know I was caught. 

"And when you come down from the attic, back into a house that is alive with smells from the kitchen and dogs barking and tubs running and doors opening and closing and opening again... you can breathe in the life of this wonderful house and be glad that for not it is yours. Happy living."  from Let's Go Home: The Wonderful Things About A House 

A Grandparent Brunch

So many goodbyes... 

This past weekend we had a special brunch for Anna's grandparents so that they could say goodbye. 

We had all of my favorites for brunch that I always make: 

quiche (two different kinds)

Pecan French Toast 

And a new addition to my regulars is Monte Cristo Crepes (that I first made back here for Anna's birthday dinner) 

Abigail was my helper with setting the table and running in and out of the kitchen for me all morning!

We kept the food on the porch and ate outside under the shade umbrellas. 

And then said goodbyes...

I always love the feel and the look of a table after a party - when good food has been eaten and there are dishes still to do. 

 

Anna is Leaving In 7 Days

The song I'm listening to right now 

I hate the phrase, "where did the time go". 

It feels different than that.

Today I just feel proud of her. Grateful, that feeling of it all swelled up inside me. 

You all, she could have been an orphan. Forever. I can't even begin to think about what her life would be if she were eighteen and living in China. 

What happens to orphans living in China after they "age out" at only fourteen years old? 

The truth is, we don't know. If they are lucky they can work for the orphanage but many are released to the streets with no resources, alone.  

Just read that again and let it soak in this time: If they are lucky they can work for the orphanage but many are released to the streets with no resources, alone. 

But Anna is brilliant. And funny, and kind. 

She is filled to brim with potential. 

Yes, she still aches - for the story of her life is not a fairy tale. 

Adoption means that one family is broken to create a new one. 

We, Scott and I, are the blessed ones. But our little girl from China, Jiang Qian (her given Chinese name) was completely separated from her family. And that creates a primal wound. 

We have loved her for seventeen precious years but even our love can't 'fix' everything. Only God can. 

And there are still some scars that even He has not healed yet. He will, one day.

And so, I suppose each Mom sending their child off to college feels all of the sad "where did the time go" feelings.

I don't.

I feel beyond grateful that Anna has this opportunity - college - a new place to grow and learn. 

Oh how I wish I could have checked off all of the boxes as her mama. 

Why does she have to walk into college still with sensory integration/processing disorder and PTSD? 

But why not? 

Dear Anna, walk in there proud. Walk in there grateful. Walk in there knowing who you are and whos you are. 

A family was broken - a birth mother had to hurt so much - my darling daughter still aches for what she had to go through - but me? How did I get so richly blessed? Look at what I got to do. I got to be her mama all those years and still all of the years to come. 

Years ago a friend said to me before she walked out of my life, "you hold her too much" "you never take your eyes off her" "you're always touching her" 

I say, thank goodness. 

I do believe that the hardest part might be that I've "held her" and "never taken my eyes off her"  more than what might be 'normal' and then suddenly in seven days I can't 

... or really I can, just in a new way. 

You see, I knew the miracle I had in my arms. God knit her in my heart from the moment she was ours. And letting go, not holding her, not looking at her daily will grieve my mama's heart. 

But I trust in the One that brought us together. And He will make a new way. 

Seven days. 

Vermont ~ one last summer get away ~ an anniversary present

I posted a little bit about our twenty fifth anniversary on our trip to Acadia. On the actual anniversary of our wedding day we went for a hike and spent the day at the top of Cadillac mountain. That post is here. 

It was a pretty spectacular place to be for the day. 

And that night we got all dressed up and went to dinner at the Bar Harbor Resort on the water. That post is back here. 

We were at that table for two hours talking, eating, and watching the most spectacular sunset. 

There is one story I haven't told yet about our Anniversary. On the top of Cadillac mountain that day Scott reenacted the date we went on all of those years ago when he proposed. All of those years ago we went on a hike, had grinders, prayed, talked, and he asked me to marry him. 

So on this day he packed the best grinders, a blanket, and had a special card for me. (I thought we were just having snacks on top of that mountain). And with the girls we prayed just like we did all of those years ago. In the card was a present - a 'one last before Anna leaves for college' get away for a night in Vermont. 

And so last weekend we headed just two hours north to the pretty town of Manchester, Vermont. 

We had a lovely lunch in the Red Rooster Cafe, and we were thrilled that they were able to make something for Abigail to eat. 

We did a little shopping that afternoon. 

And then we waited for our room on the lovely green of our hotel. 

After we checked into our room we got ready for a really yummy dinner and a long evening just being together. 

Best part of staying together - always - is all of us sleeping in one room. 

Early the next morning Scott and I let the girls sleep in and we headed on a glorious hike. 

After the best resort breakfast Scott and Abigail played tennis... 

... before we knew it, it was our time to head home. 

That is, after reading a bit more on the patio overlooking the mountains. 

I love the small towns, the quaint parts of New England.