Dear friends and this space, this place I've missed.
Life is so grand an so beautiful and I am going to step back in.
I've struggled to find my place on this blog of mine lately with my last post being "Stepping Away".
There are a few things that have gone through my mind as I've contemplated closing down the blog
- Oh how I hate that my little girls are growing. They look sooooOoooo little to me in the old posts - I almost hate to post because it reminds me that they are not little girls anymore
- I'm not a stay at home mama anymore. Sigh. And the days at home making every little thing magical for my sweet family have changed. And that bothers me.
- I'm clearly not the same person I was when I started this blog - or even the same person 3 years ago. I'm a full-time-back-in-the-classroom-4th-grade-teacher mama.
- My time is not the same. And sometimes blogging my mantle, or a pie just feels insignificant in my life right now. Sure I love baking pies and I clearly LOVE decorating for the seasons, but for me, right now it feels 'funny' to blog that when my work in my classroom is so much more 'heavy' than that. I've got to get 4 readers on grade level, 6 math students proficient in math, I've got social/emotional issues in my classroom of 23 students and it's magical, but it's hard core work. How does my mantle photos fit into that?
- But then there is the sweet magic I create for my family - because I still do - and I hate to loose that and not take pictures of that - but how do I fit that in? Up at 4:45 to work out, give my girls a proper breakfast, clean up the kitchen, drive my daughters to school, pray for them in the morning, be in my classroom from 8:00-3:55 each day, pick up Abigail at her school, eat dinner as a family, make lunches for the next day, and have school work in the evening.
- Busy is not the new normal. I hate being busy and that schedule up there that I just said really isn't busy. We don't do travel soccer (there's nothing wrong with that - we're just not a sports family). We only do viola. They girls are both in a private Suzuki orchestra and an auditioned school orchestra. Abigail does a sweet little dance class on Saturday mornings. We are not an over booked family. So that schedule is not too busy. But honestly, I'm really tired after teaching all day. And getting ready for the next day. Really, even just wearing dresses and tights and cute shoes and jewelry all day is tiring to me. How do mantle photos fit into that?
- But I can't imagine stopping this blog because if I do I won't take as many pictures and the memories will be lost. So my plan is to step back in - even if I feel 'weird' about it. Even if my life doesn't seem to match my pictures. My school days are not my blog pictures. My plan is to start to blog what is going on in my classroom. If I can figure out how to take pictures during my school day.
- There is just something about blogging - I know that I'd jump back in - I just wish I could figure out my new normal on this blog. Maybe just blogging will help.