On a glorious Sunday afternoon in October I took Abigail to a park in our town - a place where I've been taking pictures of her since she could just walk.
And I took these:
Flowers, flowers, I keep stopping by our little farm store in the neighboring town and picking up flowers. I know they are for sale at the grocery store, but they are much desirable when I get them here. (here too)
I just finished my January book (back here I sort of explain my reading life).
And this book was good wonderful. It is no surprise that it is by my favorite author, Sally Clarkson. You can check out her blog here. She has a weekly podcast (with no commercials) and she blogs too. I also belong to her membership. If you're looking for a place to be inspired to be all you can as a mother in any stage of life, check out her membership.
When I was a young mother home with my babies, toddlers, and elementary school aged girls, I longed to find a place, a group of women that 'mothered like me'. It was a challenge, I tell you! I read everything I could get my hands on but none of it lined up with the home I was trying to create, the mothering I wanted, the day to day mentoring I was doing. So basically I just gave up looking. I gave up looking for inspiration in books - it was all to regimented for me. Although I was an organized person and was looking for a 'formula', there was no formula out there that worked in my life. Consider what the path I was on... my motherhood journey felt so different than anyone I knew. Anyone.
I had two little girls.
One adopted, suffered from early post traumatic stress disorder. She had (and still has) sensory processing issues, deals with attachment still... crowds made her anxious, even extended family visits heightened her nervous system. It was a struggle but I new that I had to 'go back' and nurture her for the emotional age she was, not her age. So when she was three, she needed all of things a baby needed. When she was eight, she needed what a four year old needed.
There were times I felt alone in this, and I longed to find pages in a book that spoke to my heart, and validated the 'sit down on the floor with her', read to her, bathe her, rock her to sleep forever, tuck her in at 16 and even 21. But I never found them until I came across Sally Clarkson.
One daughter was born with a rare digestive disease. She was diagnosed at 22 months old and suffers still. She has since been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety, and ADHD. Our little family was so different it was isolating but beautiful at the same time.
With one daughter we couldn't eat out. The other 'normal' social situations here terrifying for her. So we became the strongest little family of four. Our faith grew and our spiritual muscles grew as day after day Scott and I did what sometimes felt the impossible.
So when I found Sally Clarkson's books I read every single one. Finally, an author that validated the way I wanted to and had been mothering. Even if some of the chapters would have applied more when my girls were little, they are still little to me and I have the forever, for the very last day of my life and I plan on mothering them, discipling them, nurturing them, guiding them, and pointing them to the Lord year after year.
This book I just finished has wonderful ideas so here goes... I'll share a few:
Your Mom Walk with God by Sally Clarkson
"The older I get, the more I have realized that only God sees all the details of my life. Only God has access to the heart and soul of my children. Only God knows and understands the stresses I bear uniquely from my own path of life."
Today I feel grateful that God has access to my daughters hearts, to their souls through the Holy Spirit. It also reminds me that I my my weakness as a mother He still is there putting all of the pieces together in a unique way, just for my Anna, just for my Abigail.
"The success of a woman's walk through her years of motherhood is largely dependent on her walk with God. If she learns to love Him and trust Him and listen to His voice through prayer and Scripture, then she will walk on a path of life that leads to success in God's eyes."
All of those early mornings with my journal, prayer, my Bible, pouring our my heart to God, that is what is important.
"I need to remember that I am to lead my children in what it means to become a person who celebrates the joy of life. I am to model what it looks like to enjoy God and His creation. ... That is why it is vital that we realize we are a model of God to our children, and that we must take care that we also present His light, beauty, humor, love, and joy to them."
Making warm cookies, finding just the right present for a birthday, planning their little years parties, all of that was a picture of God. My showering them was a picture to them of how God showers us with blessings. Oh and that part about joy... that has always been a tough one for me. I'm a go, go, go, mama. At home I like things 'just so' and I have in the past struggled to remember to just be joyful.
"Everyday of my life as a Mom is filled with chores, duties, problems, issues, and responsibilities. If I allow my soul to become overwhelmed by these things, my spirit become dry and depressed, and I pass on my sour and disparaging attitudes... my "broken spirit" becomes a virus of darkness infecting everyone else in my house. The only "good medicine" is to choose to have a "joyful heart". No matter what my day holds, I can choose to be joyful."
Looking back now, there are so many times that I was so serious. And when I think about when they were eight and four, even twelve and eight, what was that dailyness, that daily life that I was taking so seriously. Reading this has certainly been a wakeup call to be more joyful.
And she goes on to say, "I realized that one of the roles God wants me to play in my children's lives is to be a conductor of joy, happiness, and celebration... When I choose to notice, every day, the beauty my children display, instead of the duty they bring my way, I am worshipping God."
"A mother who gives her children a heart to celebrate God's life and beauty gives a gift of life. She is helping her children draw joy from their lives and memories that will bring them strength and pleasure all their days."
I could and should read that every day. Joy joy joy. I need to find it, muster it up, and cultivate in my home - the messy home days, the too full calendar days, the fusses days, the attitude days, all of the days.
"So what does it look like to walk in God's light? I personally think that walking in the light requires me to take time to be in God's presence in quietness every day so I can refuel from the one source of true light...If I am living beyond my means, feeling stretched, dry, and dark, then I need to simplify my life so that I can find time for reflection to be sure that I am walking in His light - holding on to His perspective, being refreshed in His energy, resting in His wisdom, and enjoying the relationships that He designed to be a blessing to me."
I think that is sometimes easier said than done. It sure is hard to proritize sleep when there are college applications, papers to correct, emails from work, a house that needs love, and a big holiday approaching - especially when it feels like so much of 'holding on to all of that' is on my mind. But yes, surely, when I do take time each day to read a devotional, to write in my journal, to pray, (making time to dwell in the light and beauty of the Lord) everything really does seem to fall into place. I become happier, more joyful, and can be a blessing to my husband and my children.
"In the absence of biblical convictions, people will go the way of culture."
Such a reminder to me as a Mom but also something I quote to my daughters often. We must develop our own foundational principles of biblical wisdom to guide us through life. There are so many "experts" these day. Scrolling through Instagram even will have "wisdom". I've even thought, 'oh, that's good advice'. But really, is it? Who are these people that we think are wise? Our only one true source of wisdom needs to come from the Scripture and the Holy Spirit. (and those we trust to interpret the Bible like our priests) And it is true that opening my Bible there always seems to be the answer to my problem.
"I have found that almost every season of motherhood has brought with it an overwhelming amount of worries, duties, fears, and responsibilities that seemed far beyond my capacity to deal with them... but it is a waster of time to spend energy and hours worrying, fretting, and troubling ourselves about things that we can't make go away. God has already been through hundreds of generation of mothers' problem with their families before yours, and He has planned to be a constant companion through each and every mother's life, and that means yours, too."
Oh goodness yes! That reminder that there were generations of mothers that reached out to God; it gives me the hope that my story will end with grace too. That verse about casting all our anxiety on God because he cares for you (1 Peer 5:7) reminds me that I am meant to go to God moment by moment. It is meant to be a way of life, a constant rhythm of returning to His presence and His help. I have to choose deliberately to place everything into His hands, and then I have to decide to actually let it all stay there and life joyfully.
"The world tells us that if we are having a hard time, we must immediately get relief... your personal happiness is the highest priority. However, when we forfeit the ways of God in our lives for the path that offers the easiest way out of pain or stress, we lose the opportunity to grow in maturity, strength, insight, wisdom, compassion, and love, the only things that can ever make anyone really happy.
Interesting, right? It reminds me that there was so much as a mother that I could not 'take away'. I couldn't wish away Anna's adoption trauma or Abigail's disease. But both of my girls gained insight, wisdom, compassion, and love. God used those struggles to build them into Godly young women.
There is really so much in this book. I have corners bent over. I have written on every page, underlined, circled. There are pages stained with some tears. But I have to end somewhere even though I could quote and write about it forever. I'll leave you with one area to think about that has touched my heart in a profound way.
"If I could encourage mothers to follow one principle of wisdom in their relationship with their children, it would be that of cultivating fervent, intimate love with each of their children. When children feel loved and cherished by the parents who brought them into the world, they have enduring stability and a security that provides them with the groundwork for understanding the God of the universe who so loves us. Love is the most important foundation for learning to believe in God... As our children are honored with our time, words, caresses, and nurture, life is deposited in their souls. They learn love not only as a personal value, but even more as a tangible experience."
Recently I was organizing some things around our home and I had a huge stack of books I'd been saving up to read. I love to read and I'm always reading several books at the same time. For example I'm always reading:
💗during my devotional time I love my stack of devotionals but those I only read that excerpt from each day so it's not a lot of actual reading
💗during my prayer time I've got another stack of prayer books that I love so much (and of course my Bible too - I'm always reading that)
💗school books - I love to stay current and inspired so right now I'm reading a book on reading - bit by bit, piece by piece
💗cookbooks - I'm always reading one of those - I love seasonal ones and I read those when I want to escape and feel cozy and plan something wonderful for my family to eat
💗Home books - I have a little stack of those that I'll have to post on soon. They inspire me to make all things comfy and cozy at home and it helps me enjoy the season I'm in right now.
So yes, that is a LOT of reading just there. But that reading is here and there in little chunks.
But then I wanted to plan out my real book reading for the year as I had collected books I wanted to "get to".
It feels like home, this campus to her.
She had concerts. (There are a lot of these posts... someday I'll do one post and have all of them in there)
She studied and made the Dean's List every semester
She overcame.
She discovered faith in a whole new way.
She is growing up and has changed so much. She certainly isn't the same person who entered Holy Cross as a Freshman.
And today we helped her move in for the very last time.
It felt right, and good. But sad at the same time.
I love this place. This place 'held' my daughter for four years.
I have so much I could say about these years, about this college. But for now... what happended today.
8:00 AM We went to Mass in our town
9:30 AM We left for Massachusetts.
10:40 AM We arrived, unloaded the car, and helped her set up a bit. (Although by now, she is quite capable of doing all of that on her own -- and would rather do most of it on her own after we leave and send us a "move in" video later.
11:30 AM Antique store that I love so much
12:15 PM Lunch at our favorite Italian place
1:30 PM We left for home (stopping at two antique places on the way home)
3:30 PM Home just in time for a 9 inch snowstorm coming!
I am so grateful that she is "all tucked in" for a snowy night in her adorable dorm room, ready to start classes for her very last semester. So happy she's home.
I turned 52 on January 5th. It was a Sunday ~ my very favorite day of the week! I was so happy to celebrate my birthday on a Sunday.
Mass
All of us sitting in our church, receiving Holy Eucharist, listing to the songs, the homily. Best birthday ever!
