Part of me wants to wait for a while to type up this post. And part of me wants to record the feelings raw just as they are right now. And believe me, they are.
There are certainly a lot of highs and lows when parenting. We've seen a lot of both to be sure. But this dropping off at college is one of those things in life that is so much emotion balled up into one week. It's almost impossible to document.
This was year six for Scott and I on drop offs. We've done this for Anna 8 times (and one big drop off as she went to China for 6 months) We did this for Abigail last year. You'd think we'd be used to it by now. But gosh, this year it took me by surprise, all these emotions did.
So Much Emotion
So there were nights like these that looked like this (yes, I'm showing you this picture). Oh I was as mad as a hornet watching her 'not be ready'. I was teaching at school all week and she was doing good, things were starting to look like progress. And then on Friday it seemed like it didn't just slow down or even halt. Progress seemed to go backward. Emotion number one that I wasn't proud of.
Moving In Day
And then there was moving in day. I was nervous, watching the leaving time, and all the while knowing what was coming (more emotion). I was excited and happy. Content really. Finally everything was in the car. At least that worry was over!
More Emotion
Then we arrived and she got a bit nervous. Not about going away to college, more just the pure emotions of the day, the excitement from seeing friends, all of the other families, everything - she was just a ball of tight emotions (gleefully happy, and tense all at the same time) and so was I. Not a great combination.
But little by little that room turned into the cutest coziest little spot. I really loved it so much. (I don't have a picture of her desk area that wasn't quite done before we left)
Done!
Relief
And then there is that part of the afternoon that I really love the most of all. We leave campus and escape for a late lunch. I love that the most becasue all of the first nerves are over, the room is really coming along, and we get our girl all to ourselves for one last bit of time. One last time to check in with her heart, hug her without all of her friends around, and just soak her up without any stress.
We came across a Farmer's Market and decided to eat there. So lovely. It was the most beautiful day. We even went into a botique and bought her a little dress to go to the Preidents Ball. (we had forgotten all about that)
Saying Goodbye
After all of these emotions going up and down all day (really all week) saying goodbye this time was okay. No tears. No worry. Just goodbye. I knew she'd be skipping back to that dorm of hers to be with her friends. And that means everything!
But There's More
Exhaustion on the drive home from feeling all of that. And then getting home - oh how it starts to sink in. She's not here. And then all of a sudden, there's an ache. And it hurts. And I wonder how long it's going to feel this way. A day? A week? A month? I can't remember suddenly all of the other 10 times I've done this.
Sigh
But life will go on. I really don't mean to be so sappy. I just feel that way right now. Wishing she were here. Wishing she were little. Wishing. Just wishing.
But grateful she is mine. Forever. Wether she is away at college or away for the first time in Kindergarten, it's all just grateful that I get to 'do Abigail', 'be her mama' forever and always. Every breath, every ache, every tense ball of emotion at a time. She is mine and I am hers. Forever.
If you are reading this Abigail, I am sorry that there was so much emotion. I wish I could have been more 'chill'. But then I wouldn' have been me, and you and me, filled with so much feeling is one of the very best things in the whole wide world.
I love you and am beyond proud of you. Have a magical first semester of your sophomore year!
I know you're not home with us but once again you are home. Welcome Home Abigial, Welcome Home
Freshman Year post is here
