My 5am Mess

Take my joke upon you and learn from Me, 

for I am gentle and humble in heart. ~ Matthew 11:29

This place, this desk in the back corner of our living room for 29 years has been a sacred place. 

A place where I meet God. 

Each and every day. 

In prayer, in journaling, in His Word. 

In devotions that speak to my heart and teach me. 

He asks nothing of me, just that I come, honest, true, like a little girl. And he teaches, guides, answers. His unconditional love given to me allows me to be just me. I am so grateful. 

Behind this desk is a huge basket of past journals, pages and pages of prayers poured out to God, a living testament to answered prayers.  

I simply can not, ever start my day not here. It is life, my oxygen, the only way I know how to live in this world. 

back in 2022

another post from this spot

another 

She just texted us her amazing grades from midterms and sent up pictures from her essay from a course titled: The Life of Jesus. She wrote and wrote and wrote in that blue exam book and I read every word in those pictures. 

We just called her for our evening mini chat and check in but she was busy and will call us in a few minutes. There was the sounds of friends and happiness. 

I am so grateful for her. How is it that not too long ago this was her? 

I am reading a book called Seasons of a Mother's Heart by Sally Clarkson. Although intended for a homeschool mom and certainly intended for one much younger than I, I have learned so much. I am on my second read.  I am finding it so helpful in navigating this new 'season' I am in as a mom with intentionality and joy; still parenting, still loving, still guiding. 

I am Thankful Today

I am thankful for a regular week. All of the regular things and of course a few appointments thrown in there too. 

I am thankful for first thoughts of my daughters, husband, parents, and all of the blessings God has bestowed. 

I am thankful for early mornings with my journal, devotional, prayers, and scripture verses. 

I am thankful for my classroom, oh after all of these years crafted, curated. 

I am thankful for 'my' seventeen nine and ten year olds who I get to spend my day with - the ones that keep me on my toes and keep me young. 

I am thankful for the gift of organization and love of planning - oh how it helps me as a teacher! (and at home too) 

I am thankful for coming home to our home of cozy, light, and welcome where I can turn on soft music, turn on all of the lights, nourish our bodies with good food. 

I am thankful that home is more than a functional place for me. I am thankful that I love to decorate and make it place of beauty in a world that can sometimes be chaotic.

I am thankful for tulips that my husband brought home on Saturday to fill our family room with a touch of spring. 

I am thankful that the feast of Easter is coming in this season of focused Lent.  

I am thankful for exercise that balances my life and is like medicine for my mental health. 

I am thankful for soft sheets and my pillow in the evening. 

I am thankful for God leading and guiding my sweet daughters in His ways, along His paths, and in His truth to where they are supposed to be right now. 

I am thankful that their hearts are open to the whisper of the Holy Spirit who has access to their hearts even more than I do. 

I am thankful for restful sleep and sweet prayers and dreams. 

The Ability of Combating Chaos Through Small Spaces of Beauty

hmmmm... not sure what I want to blog about usually means I wonder what has been going on. Mostly parent/teacher conferences. This week has filled up with those. But also coming home each night to the home I curated and built over years and years, wrapping me up like a hug each night.  

Looking at what I've taken pictures of is also like a hug. Warm cookies baked for my family, scenes of comfort from our lent home, places of beauty all around me even on really full days. 

I love this quote so much and believe in every word of it: 

"In times of exhaustion, grief, or trial, holding on to a sense of order and lovliness is essential. Those many trials of life can not be fixed with a pat answer, the difficulty of walking through them is often eased if it can be experienced in a lovely environment. 

The idea stems from being made in the image of a creative God. Just as God looked into the void and created our orderly, lovely, magnificent universe, we are able to look into the messiness of our lives and create spaces of meaning and beauty. A simple way to combat chaos is to focus on creating small spaces of beauty." ~ Sally Clarkson 

Little vases of flowers on my dresser 

A cozy chair with a view outside filled with all I need for prayer and quiet

Artwork from a local artist - the saints of my daughters 

A cozy quilt rack

Zucchini lasagna 

A little view of the jelly cupboard in the background and the teacup I use every morning this month in the background 

Homemade oatmeal brown sugar bread for the week 

Proof that I sat down last weekend - my teacup in this scene 

This utility bar is the perfect addition to these open shelves... I love it so much

This space in March - no big holiday - just simple 

I added to this collection of pewter - the little rounded creamer and sugar 

Ideals of Then and Now

It was such a gift to be home for 13 years. A precious time bubble that I knew wouldn't last forever but that I was in. I knew it every single day. Of course mothering my two little ones at the time was at the forefront of my mind. The days felt ordinary then; most of the tasks were repeated over an over. Wake them up, cook their breakfast, get them ready for the day. And on and on the day went. I loved it all - knew I was meant for 'such a time as this'. I relied heavily on my strong organizational skills, and a strong sense of ideals on how I wanted them to be raised - in read alouds, wonderful books, first picture books then chapter books (and still I read aloud to them - working on finalizing my list for this summer), in wholesome play - open-ended toys that allowed them to create 'worlds' and delve deep into their imagination, time to talk talk talk with them. Not TV shows, screens, or even movies. 

And even now ideals in mothering are very important to me. I have filled a notebook throughout this school year with ideas for the summer to connect with my daughters now almost 23 and 19 I have Bible studies planned, tea times planned, outings planned, questions I want to ask them, find out what is deeply on their hearts, and mother them. I still believe this mothering that I do is the most important work in my life. 

There are days since I went back to the classroom that feel too full and messy to me. But I hold on to those ideals. And when Anna's days are so full (full time program graduate school and math tutoring in a school) and Abigail is too far to talk to some days (away at college), I still put my effort into mothering. I pray for them (oh how I pray for them), I plan for our times together with my very best friends that they will be intentionally life giving, and I create places and spaces in our home that are a delight for them. There are often frozen homemade cookie dough balls ready to pop in the oven for a warm evening treat and a stolen moment away together. I am ready. 

Naps and Home from College

I am so glad that Abigail is home for college spring break. 

She came home fine on Friday evening. By the time it was time to go to sleep I knew she was feeling sick. 

Just a cold thank goodness but it hit her hard. 

The same thing used to happen to Anna. Exactly the same. 

More than just a few times Anna would be keeping it together for midterms or finals, going going going to classes, doing the college thing, writing papers, studying, and then she'd come home and her body would shut down. Fever, colds, always the day she got home. 

I'm grateful that Abigail is home sick than in college sick. And yes, it's just a cold that with a few days of napping, sleeping, good healthy food, and care she will be all better. 

How many times have I taken a picture of her sleeping in this bedroom? Oh maybe a million. 

Love this post 

This one too

Sweet 

Oh my love love love 

Home