Summer Teatime Discipleship #2

I wrote about the first one back here  

Teatime Two: Light and Hope

John 8:12 

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, 

"I am the light of the world.

Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness," 

but will have the light of life." 

We feasted on homemade chicken salad sandwiches on croissants. (I'd never made chicken salad so good before -- what a treat!). 

We immersed ourselves in God's Word and conversation about light and hope. 

God promises He is not only waiting on the other side of dark times, but also is walking through the darkness with us, holding our hands, guiding us, acting as our source of light and hope. 

Here are some verses we focused on: 

Matthew 5:14-16

Psalm 119:105

Matthew 4:16

I also made Butterscotch bars (but changed them to white chocolate chips - Abigail is allergic to dairy so butterscotch was out and Anna is allergic to chocolate but it all worked out) 

Another post you might like: Mentoring, Mothering, Discipling 

Mother's Day

What a delightful and wonderful day. 

Mass

My girls

A special meal

Lots and Lots of love

 

Three Things with Abigail

"I'd been thinking of the winter as a horrid, wet, dreary time. Now I can see other things-crisp and sparkling days, long pleasant evenings, cheery fires. Good work shall be done this winter. Life shall be lived well."

~ A.A.Milne. (author of Winnie the Pooh)

"Life shall be well lived..."

I like that - really like that.

But I do think it takes intentionality. And planning. And a purpose greater than ourselves. And with help other than others around us; more than just a fight and a will and trying to live "life well." Because I know we can't do life well in our own strength.

When I dig my heals in, grit my teeth, and really try - that's when things fall apart.

But when I lean on the Holy Spirit trust in God acting on His promises in His Word and the still, small voice in my heart, that is when I can live life well.

That is when God whispers in the early morning Bible times my greater purpose, ideas for mothering, for reaching the hearts in this stage of my daughters.

I have found that every year is a new stage. Of course.

Sure, I've been an eighth grade mama before, Anna was one just four years ago. But I've never done eighth grade with Abigail and her own 'things'. So every year is new.

Right now on my heart is the whole concept of mentoring.

My mothering has obviously changed over the years. It used to be one on one, naps and highchairs, singing and reading, playing and cuddling - it used to be teaching them how to get along, setting up fun in the playroom, sitting with them for hours and hours every day as they created imaginary worlds in our playroom.

I loved those hands on days. Loved them.

Recently (in the last year) I've been praying about how God would have me serve my daughters in their new phase. Of course there are still meals and laundry, teaching them, etc. But as I felt my role shifting I wanted more than ever to have a my mothering be with intentionality and purpose.

And that I think is where mentoring began.

With Anna mostly. Because Anna will be leaving, and I will have four years with Abigail still home.

But this weekend in my Saturday morning prayer time I felt led to help Abigail have some sweet time with me. Away from her weekend homework. A time to listen to her heart and pour into her with life-giving words.

So we did three things

1.  We baked

2.  We walked and talked

3.  I read to her

And in those three simple things we created a day that both our hearts needed; a new rhythm of sorts. One fill with things we can always come back to. This is us. This is what we do. Our home is calm, our home is peaceful. It is full of sweet music and not shows on. It is not plugged in but it is tuned in to each others hearts. 

More than ever, these days it is so important to cling to the things that matter. To look into their eyes. To affirm them with life-giving words so that they can one day go into the world knowing they matter - especially to the only One that matters. 

And that is a life that is lived well. 

"...I can see other things-crisp and sparkling days, long pleasant evenings, cheery fires. Good work shall be done this winter. Life shall be lived well."

Mentoring, Mothering, Discipling,

On Sunday morning, long before Mass I crept into Anna's room, raised her shades and whispered to her, "Come on Anna, get out of bed, throw someone on and come with me. We're going to have a special Anna, mama time." 

I ordered from a lovely cafe in town where they do curbside pick up. 

Then we drove to a nearby park where there was no one. 

It was the greatest. We talked and talked about everything on her heart. I asked questions that I had prayed about ahead of time. And I listened. 

After we ate, we walked around a bit in the park. 

Hundreds, maybe thousands of times Anna and I have have some one on one times. Not usually going somewhere, just a minute here and there where we steal away and she knows she has my undivided attention. 

When she was little mothering was often instructing, correcting, teaching, guiding. Now it is mentoring, discipling, inspiring... 

But this school year I feel inspired to do something different - something more - because it's my last year with her fully home, fully mine in a childhood way. 

I still have so much in my heart I want her to know before this year is over. 

So over and over again, as much as I can, we will steal away for just us time. 

And it is lovely. 

So what is this Mentoring - Discipling time?

• It is time to build our friendship 
• It is about having something to look forward to
• They are intentional times - they are carved out times
• It is knowing that there is a value to meeting one on one 
• It's striking up conversations
• It's understanding that I am a discipler 
• It is about passing on the love, the truths, the purposes of God 
• It is thinking about these things: How can I influence her? How can I love her? How can I pour out to her? How can I encourage her? How can I be a model of Christ to this precious daughter that God has brought into my life? 

Cherished times indeed 

Hours and Days and Seasons Change

Late summer 2007, Anna 4, Abigail 4 months



Mid August it is. Something seems to happen in the middle of August each year. The weather is still very hot and yet our hearts yearn for a change. Perhaps a change of scenery -

front steps with pumpkins and mums instead of pots of flowers that need watering twice a day

sweaters instead of sleeveless

One thing around the middle of August that I don't want to change (every year I feel this way) is the unending time I have with my daughters.

Especially this year.

I have been with them every day all day and evening and night and all of the moments in between.

And I am a better person because of it.

The rhythm we've established has been sweet. Some for years and years since they were babies.

We read on the couch every day after lunch our own deep, vocabulary filled, rich books.

I read to them every day.

We started a Bible Study during our lunch time. This summer was about friendship.

Our conversations so lovely.

How I've enjoyed talking and learning with them.

Speaking forward into their lives.

This summer feels like it was a gift dropped into my lap. One I don't want to end. I stare deeply into their eyes and make a wish that the last few weeks will go by slowly.

Becoming a mother is truly the best thing I ever did. Twice. God surely loves me to have these two lovelies for my daughters!

Anna and Abigail- You are all I ever dreamed my daughters would be. Thank you for making motherhood so lovely!

And thank you for spending every moment of your summer connected to me. Thank you for trusting me and diving deep in conversation and in hearts.

What a summer we've had together. We didn't go to the ends of the world on a trip but I surely loved this time with you. I could pinch myself knowing that I get to spend my whole life with you two lovely girls.

Let's make these last three weeks wonderful. 💕

Tiny - but big - motherhood lesson

I was unprepared for motherhood.

Desperately ready.

I knew that if my arms didn't hold a baby my heart would never be filled.

However, unprepared I still was.

Motherhood did not come to me by surprise. We had already been married over 8 years and we were both longing to add that gift into our marriage when God moved in our hearts to adopt from China.

And even as 'blissful'  a picture I paint of my 13 years as a stay at home - out of the classroom mama I was unprepared.

I thought, 'bring her home - put a pretty dress on her - live happily ever after'

Some of at nativity is true. I did live in that dreamy world of being at home all day with my baby girls. I did and still do love dresses.

But I was unprepared for the shocking reality of parenting (and I won't go into detail) a baby, a toddler, a young elementary school aged, a middle school, a high school aged child with PTSD. With severe sensory integration disorder. The kind of issues that no one understands except for Scott and I. Which led to deep family isolation for us. Some understand, can sympathize, care, but no one lives it.

I was unprepared for the shocking reality of parenting (and I won't go into detail) a baby, a toddler, a young elementary school aged, a middle school child with a chronic disease. With daily pain, with anxiety issues.

I kept thinking (for both of them) - find the right doctor, the right medicine, the right program and my blissful days could continue. I had to 'fix' what was wrong for them.

But finally God said, "Live through this season - each season as their mama with more joy and peace knowing that when you live into the season I will meet their needs. The anxiety you feel, the must-fix-it you feel is you. Not me."

Sure we've had days upon days of bliss here. But we've also had moments upon moments of sheer difficult here. Difficult with a feet digging deep in the sand while my husband and I hold on for dear life kind of moments.

There is determination and persistence to do this well. There is nothing more important to us than being Anna and Abigail's mama and daddy.

I need to remind myself often of the words that God has spoken over and over through the years to my heart. Early in the morning. In prayer times. In times when I've dragged myself out of bed when it's still dark because I wouldn't dare do this motherhood without Him. And the same with Scott.

I rest in the peace that I live into this season trusting that He will meet their needs. I am only a vehicle of love.

I've rediscovered God in places I didn't expect to find him. I have found for this mama that has wrestled big with anxiety especially concerning her daughters, that the rhythm and beauty of a day; just a day being with them; connects me to His spirit who sings and whispers over my soul. He tells me not to fix but just to be. Be what I made you to be and I'll be what they need.

Tea Time

I believe that traditions are the anchors in a family - they are the something that you can hold on to and know for certain there is beauty and comfort and love.

These pictures I took early in March - long before we ever thought there could possibly be schools closing and 'distance learning'. But seeing them cheered my heart because I remembered this lovely tradition that we will continue in challenging times throughout our lives and beautiful, easy, wonderfully happy times in our lives.









They are a tradition in our family. Tea Time on a Sunday afternoon.

I've done this - forever.

The girls have had tea times in the snow.







They've had tea times in pretty restaurants.

Tea times have been in the summer, fall, winter, and spring.



Tea times have been along the ocean in Hawaii







Tea parties have been themes for birthday parties.





Best of all are the tea times around our kitchen table.

It's a place where I can lead them to truths - to pour in their hearts and fill their minds with goodness.

And we all cherish them so...

Making It a Welcome Home

I am quite certain that one of the things my girls will remember is how our home felt.

There are so many parts that can be.

Words. Those are possibly the most important part. Kindness, genuine interest, a soft answer, time for lots of words and talking.

The way I arrange and decorate and make our home look. That is is a part of it too.

And making it welcome to come home to.

This little garden path, under the arbor is how Abigail comes home. Anna did too, years ago. This is from years ago when the girls were planting the flowers that grew up the arbor.







The path had gotten overgrown and the ground muddy. The garden gate didn't work well and the whole area was just awful.

So the last week of summer, back in August, Scott and Abigail worked to spruce it up. They dug and got new gravel. They widened the path and made it a happy place to come home to.





Down the path, through the backyard, up to the porch, and through the back door. Welcome home my girls, welcome home.

Servant Motherhood Moments.

I've come to appreciate the importance of the many thousands of routine moments in a mother's life, for it is in these moments that real greatness tends to be taught and caught. It's the way I respond to my daughters in everyday moments that gives me the best chance of winning their hearts. If I have integrity and patience in the small moments of life that are so important to my girls, and if I approach them with a servant's heart then I have a far better chance of influencing them in the larger and more critical areas of life.

Motherhood Monday

A Servant Mother

On a typical school day by 6:10 am I have already been up for an hour and a half, and I'm at the stove starting Abigail's skillet lunch. I grab a banana from the pantry and the yogurt from the frig, the strawberries too and quickly make Anna's smoothie. I start her egg. I wonder why her door isn't open. I need to run upstairs to make sure she is moving but I don't want to burn the lunch or the egg.

Oh good, I hear her door. She's a few minutes late this morning.

She comes downstairs and is half asleep as she eats and drinks her smoothie. I stop my rushing in the kitchen to say good morning. When she's done eating she says the same thing to me she's said for as long as I can remember, "thanks for the yummy breakfast". And she fills my heart.

She goes upstairs to get ready for school and has only 15 minutes to be in the car.

Move the clothes from the washer to the dryer.

I finish Abigail's skillet lunch and put it in her thermos as I start an omelet for her. I can keep the burner on low and run up to wake her up. Shades up, morning CD on. She's so peaceful - I reach in for a quick snuggle - and I wish our day could stop right there.

Move Anna along - remind her she has 4 minutes to be in the car. Do it gently and tenderly, Tara.

Check the weather. These April days have us in winter coats one day, spring jackets the next, back and forth until summer. It might be raining so I put the little umbrella in Anna's backpack for her walk home from school.

Finish the omelet. Anna is back in the kitchen ready to get in the car. It's 7:04, right on time.

I run upstairs one last time and Abigail is sitting on her floor starting to get dressed into the outfit we picked out the night before. I tell her that I'll be back in 6 minutes and for her to start eating. Her omelet is at the table.

I race back downstairs and into the car where Anna is. I drive her to school. As I drive I pray aloud for her day - and then out of the car she goes.

Back home - I add the water bottle to Abigail's backpack remind her of how little time she has to eat.

I get her medicine ready. And her elecare. She likes her elecare (medical drink) really cold so I take the empty bottle out of the freezer where I put it sometime in my morning rush and fill it with elecare. She drinks some and I add it to her backpack.

I bring the laundry from the dryer upstairs and quickly fold it on my bed.

I run upstairs and grab my teaching shoes and finish my jewelry and makeup in less than 2 minutes.

She's looking out the window and telling me about a squirrel she sees. I stop and listen because we have a minute to spare.

I remind her of our plan for pick up in the afternoon.

She wants to turn the music on for the bird so I give her that time before we get in the car.

I drive her to school and pray for her day as I drive. She likes two waves. One as she's getting out of the car, one as she's walking toward the door. I wait so I can give her both.

Then I drive to my school.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I have grown in the past 14 years I've been a mother. One of those ways that hasn't changed {even though they are older} and I've just been more aware of is being a servant.

I realize looking back and in what I do now the importance of the many thousands of routine moments in a mothers life and in these moments that the real greatness of life is taught to our children.

It isn't about all the 'things I do'.

It's how I respond to my daughters in those everyday moments that wins their hearts.

When I have respect and patience in the small moments of life that are so important to them - when I approach them with a servants heart then I build up our relationship and can teach and guide them in their lives.

The biblical model for loving and teaching with a servants heart was Jesus. I think about one of the last moments his disciples had with Him and what He was doing - He was humbly, gently, tenderly, ministering to them. He was serving them. He was touching them, serving them, feeding them.

And what happened in the process? He won their hearts by serving them in love.

That is what mothers do each day - when we choose to tenderly, humbly, gently serve in love each day we win their hearts.

To me choosing to serve is to enjoy Anna's happiness and wide awakeness in the evening when I'd rather be reading in bed and half asleep. It's knowing that this stage of life is passing and this is when she's awake and available to receive love from me. It's listening to her. Talking with her. Being with her.

To me choosing to serve is helping Abigail remember her pain strategies. To take the time to review them in the middle of the week - to do imagery with her when I have a pile of math tests to correct.

To me choosing to serve is to set up a playdate for Abigail on a weekend with a sweet friend when I'd rather have just the 4 of us home - it's being grateful for an answered prayer - remembering that I prayed for friends for her.

To me choosing to serve is to help Anna find clothes that are comfortable for her and make her feel good.

Above all choosing to serve is to know I that I already made a decision to make myself available for the routine tasks and unending interruptions.

And in that, all of that is the servant heart of a mother. My hands and heart serve, their hearts are open. And they receive.

Motherhood Monday 1

"NO LANGUAGE CAN EXPRESS THE POWER, AND BEAUTY, AND HEROISM, AND MAJESTY OF A MOTHER'S LOVE." -Edwon Hubbell Chapin

I always knew I wanted to be a mother. Always. I remember being eight and loving my dolls like they were real. I remember the carriage I pushed them in. There were times I thought for a moment that I should be into things my friends were into at the time. But I really just loved being a mother to those dolls. I dreamed and wished and knew I would be a mama one day.

There were times in college when I thought how I wish these classes would be over so I could be a teacher in a classroom - so I could be married - and so finally I could be a mother.

I don't think I ever thought of motherhood with children past the age of three. After all, my dolls never grew up, they were babies forever.

And even though I never pictured a fifteen year old and an eleven year old I do love being a mother. That hasn't changed at all. I'm still just as passionate about it. Still just as in awe. Still wanting to do my best while my heart fills up with nothing else in this world - the way it fills with mothering.

I've decided to reflect on mothering and motherhood {for me} every Monday. Really, for me, to remind myself of things I believe, and maybe one day for my daughters to read as they search for inspiration, and faith, and meaning in motherhood.



So for today - my topic, my thought is on leaving my career, my teaching, leaving my classroom:

I left teaching for thirteen years. Thirteen glorious, wonderful, amazing, hard, growing, loving years. Of all of the things God has given me, of all of the gifts in my life that I know are from His hand - thirteen years has been the greatest surprise and most wonderful gift of all. Thank you Lord for those years. They are treasures that carry me through and give me strength, and they are from You.

When Anna came home, her little hand in mind, the smell of her head, just picking her up out of her crib filled my emotional cup like nothing I'd ever known. I do believe that God gives us such a richness in babies to carry us through the more challenging, more mundane everyday tasks of those early years. Rocking her in her nursery and reading to her was all I could ever want. I thanked God for each moment with that precious Chinese baby in my arms. Not one moment was taken for granted.

The "plan" was for me to stay home, out of the classroom for one full school year. But she was the most beautiful, most enduring, most lovely baby that ever existed on the planet and certainly in my wildest dreams.

I didn't exactly ever sit down at one time and think This is it; I'm choosing traditional motherhood over my own career, over my teaching. I simply wanted to be with my daughter as much as possible. I wanted to woo her, love her, care for her, and serve her and find joy in each moment she required. So when that call came in late March from my principal about me returning the next year, I simply said no.

And that decision led to thirteen years at home.

To my grown dear daughters who may read this one day:

If you can, if only you can, stay at home with your lovely babies and soak those years up; for as many as the Lord will give you. It's that simple. There are no other words to say.

Let God write on your hearts what you should do. And know that the daily, hard, repetitive work of making a home a haven, providing healthy meals, correcting your little ones, constantly cleaning up messes, is really the stuff from which Godliness is built. And it is important work.

Motherhood and a Nurturing Home

I've been thinking about motherhood today and what makes a nurturing home.

My girls are growing but some things remain the same:

• music
• smells of home cooking
• purposeful little areas for gathering and learning

"In this modern world where activity is stressed almost to the point of mania, quietness as a childhood need is too often overlooked.  Yet a child's need for quietness is the same today as it has always been -- for quietness is an essential part of all awareness.  In quiet time and sleepy times a child can dwell in thoughts of his own, and in songs and stories of his own."  
Margaret Wise Brown, author or Goodnight Moon, 1940

That was written in 1940!  How much more do children need quietness in 2018? I would argue so, so much more.

I need to start this by saying that all families are different and I recognize that we are all doing what we think is best for our little families. There is nothing wrong with TV on or watching it - I'm just very different in this area. 

I don't like sitting down and watching TV. I will, but it's rare. I don't like the TV on, I've always hated the background noise. I can't think and I feel like it sucks up the peaceful quiet in our home and in my head.

When the girls were little, we watched all of the lovely children shows (Little Bear being my all time favorite) But we watched a show and then it was off. I guess that stuck because that's the way we are now, still. Background TV noise I can't handle. Almost like a little headache if I try and talk to someone at their house but there's a show on in the background.

And my girls are not on their phones much. I would consider us on the extreme side for not using them, but they are still there (there is such a pull for them like a magnet in those phones, right?) and so this is how it all started.

Recently I decided to take away all technology (all screens) on Sundays. It's not a religious thing. It's not because it's the actual day of Sunday.  It's just a day that works for our family.

Magical things happen when there are no screens.

I wonder how my idea will work during the school year. I've thought that only being on their computers for school work and then off might be the new 'no tech' Sunday rule. We'll have to see.

I know from my own experience when I feel like I haven't been productive, or I'm just feeling uneasy, a walk away from my phone is the best thing. I flip it over and do something.

This summer I've been making a list of things that make me feel happy; that de-stress me. In thinking about the school year ahead and the toll that being a classroom teacher takes on me I wanted to spend some prayerful time considering what God would lead me to. The list is deliciously long. Long of things that make me happy. And do you know what is not on the list?  Scrolling on my phone!  It's not there.

So I decided to flip it over on Sundays  just like I'm asking the girls. And Sunday is now my favorite day of the week.

I know that my work (the 'work' that God has called me to - being his wife and their mama) is:

• in front of people, in front of them (being with them) 
• in my home... creating purposeful areas of learning, relaxation, and gathering. Making our home, not perfect, but a delicious place that we all want to be in. One that nurtures their hearts and feeds their souls. 

I am so grateful to do that work full time during the summer!  My whole heart and soul is full. I feel overflowing with gratitude for God giving me this role. 

Motherhood

In the past few days I've been thinking and praying about my mothering more than usual.
Perhaps it's because the calendar changed to August.
Perhaps it's because we're smack dab in the middle of our summer. (and I've been with them all day, every day since June 16th)

It feels like the Holy Spirit has laid on my heart to pray for my mothering, and has called to my heart some things that grieve me. Things like not enough patience.

But as quick as He brings to my heart to love on my daughters more, to speak with a kind sweetness... He quickly reminds me of all that I am doing well with my mothering this summer. And ahh, that refreshing, knowing it's from the Lord, feels so good.

(photo from May, 2012)


He brings to mind things like how I've structured a summer with wide open spaces, no where to have to go (after the musical is over), and a sweet little, easy-breezy schedule around the house of breakfast, viola practice, time to play in the playroom til lunch, reading on the couch (all 3 of us after lunch), more playing or going to the pool, long dinners with no rushing, and evenings spilled out in front of us, some chores to keep the house running, and time, lots of time.  There has been a lot of things that are going so well and that make my heart happy.

(photo from May, 2012)


But there ARE things I need to improve on.  None of us are perfect, we all have our 'days'.  Days that feel like everything is getting on our nerves.  And so I welcome when it 'weighs' on my heart because it causes me to stop and adjust.  The beginning of August for me certainly needs adjustment.  I adore my daughters; they are every dream come true.  From a little girl with her dolls, pushing baby carriages way later than any other girls, to the one that hoped and dreamed for these gifts God has given Scott and I.  They are still those 'dreams come true', and I am grateful for the reminder that Anna and Abigail are not a "mini me".  They are who THEY are.



I wrote in my God-time prayer journal (the place I take notes on Bible verses that speak to my heart, list prayer requests, and write out what I'm believing for) this morning that I want our home to be a place that:

*** A place that has no harsh or angry words 

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29

*** A place where I model for my daughters not becoming frustrated with one another 

*** A place where there is no blame or shame in our words or tone of our voices

I am often thinking about that scripture that says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children so hey may not become discouraged."  Colossians 3:21 (New American Bible) 

And from another translation "Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children (do not be hard on them or harass them), lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated (do not crush their spirit.)  Colossians 3:21 (Amplified Bible)  

And I so don't want to be that mamma who crushes their little spirit.  I know and love the part of my calling in motherhood that builds them up through affirming words, knowing that those words are seeds in their hearts.  Seeds that will bring a harvest one day.

Proverbs 15:4 "Gentle words bring life and health, a harsh tongue crushes the spirit." 

So this afternoon after thinking about it some last night and spending time in prayer and Bible Study this morning I feel like I need to celebrate my mini victories.  The ONE TIME today what I knelled down and talked to Abigail about her tone of voice.

(photo from September 2008)


 The ONE TIME today when I wanted to tell Anna her viola practice was so short but waited on God's timing (and God's timing led to knowing that I shouldn't say anything) So I celebrate the mini victories today and with with the Holy Spirit to help me surrender to His will instead of following my own emotions or habits.  And it felt good.

My mom was so good at all of this.  It all seemed to come so naturally to her.  All those years.  But was then / is now a mother of great faith and prayer.  So maybe she had moments of 'mid summer' herself.  I know for sure she always leaned on God's help in raising us.

She was a wonderful model for me.  But I can't do it in on her faith.  I need my own prayer, my own Bible study, my own calling out to God for help.  And so I do.  Today I wrote out a few of my favorite Bible verses so that I could think about them throughout the day.

So when

• Abigail takes forever to eat a meal
• When I'm so tired at bedtime
• When Anna takes forever to get ready in the morning
• When the house is messy 

I can remind myself of my purpose/ my role/ my job/ my calling and do it not in my own strength but with the help of the Lord.  

And that I AM

.... the JOYFUL mother of children (Psalm 113) 

(oh how I love that verse) 

On leaving them

I remember this day. I had gone to a play with my parents the evening before. Anna and Abigail were staying over at Uncle Trent and Auntie Jackie's house. All through the evening Trent was texting me funny pictures of my girls and the wonderful fun memories they were making.

But after the play (which was amazing "Show Boat" my all time favorite ever musical because my dad and I danced to that song on my wedding day 20 years earlier) Anyway... after the play I got a migraine. The kind of headache you get when you have to have your head between your legs while the car is moving.

Back then I literally got a huge headache every single time I left my girls. School was fine, that was a routine. But anything out of the routine I had a headache. Poor Scott!

That's when we started 'at home' date nights.

This is the picture I have from the next morning. After the sleepover, I went over to pick them up at dawn. Headache gone.

They are still in their nightgowns from Uncle Trent's house. And I look all better.



I don't get migraines any more, but I still have anxiety leaving them. I'm not worried that something will happen. I'm not really a worrier. I was just missing them. Aching for them. So much so that I got those headaches.

One time my parents gave us a generous gift certificate for a restaurant for our anniversary. Right near their house. Perfect. The girls have dinner and some play time at grandma and grandpas, we go out to dinner.

But that time it (migraines) had happened so many times I took advil BEFORE I left them at my parents.

I don't have to take advil anymore when I leave them, but I'm still terrible at it. Still get that ache in my heart. Still can't wait to have them back home with me again.

I guess I knew this when I was younger. I couldn't go anywhere without my dolls. Always with me.



I choose not to worry about the future and how I'll survive them growing up. I just smile and whisper in their ears "just stay little, just stay little, just stay little."

I Don't Want to Ever Forget

A few 'off the top of my head thoughts' on when they are supposed to 'be so big' because for crying out loud 'she's a teenager'.



I believe that parenting lasts well past diapers and first steps. I see so many parents signing their kids up for EVERYTHING, and sometimes I feel that it's because they want them somewhere else; want something else to fill their time. So it doesn't have to be them (the parent)

Yes, Abigail does Irish Dance. And both girls do viola. But that's just about it.

In the summer Abigail gets to do a musical with her Grandpa as the producer and director. And in the summer Anna rides horses to help with her PTSD.

So, I guess we have some things. But Scott and I are constantly talking about our choices and if they work for our family. Not as in "can you pick this one up?" chats but real talks about "is this the right decision? How much time will this take her out of our house? Will she still have enough down time at home, cuddle time, being read to time?"

I think hormones and body changes and new expectations can be hard on a child. And they still need to be taught, loved, cherished, and guided. And that can not happen through anyone else but Scott and I.

Helping for as long as it takes with high school level math. Snacks, and talks well past her little sisters bedtimes. I don't ever want to forget.

Sometimes we are weary and just plain old tired and ready to sleep. But always we know that this is precious time with her and soak it in as much as we can.

I like to be with my daughters. No, I LOVE to be with my daughters. I love waking them up, the hugs after school, helping them in the morning, filling them with good food. I love bath time and having fluffy white towels ready for after her shower. I plan on soaking in this stage and age. When someone says to me "don't blink it'll go by too fast" I'll say, "nope, didn't blink. I soaked up everything, even 13.