Anna's adoption day was nineteen years ago today.
The memories so vivid in my mind and yet as the years pass I have to concentrate to hold on to all of the details.
Today I don't have a grand post with lots of pictures I've put together. Just some feelings.
I've written the story of Anna on this blog of mine, and at the end of this post I'll reshare all of the old links. Mostly the videos that Scott made after we came home. To be honest, they are difficult to watch.
They were created by two young parents, just 30 and 31 years old. Babies ourselves.
So much has unfolded since then - so much wonder and wonderfulness. So much goodness and love. So many memories and much happiness.
But also
There has been pain; pain as her mama having to watch her walk through some parts of life that you wish your child didn't have to.
When I was 31 I didn't think about race. I just wanted my baby home from China.
And while I won't go into the details, Scott and I know that being a biracial family has challenges we didn't know as young parents.
Anna is an Asian American living in a white family. She is surrounded in our little house and with extended family with no one she looks like. Over the years it has created issues, questions, impressions on her heart. It's not nothing to not look like your family.
And then apart from adoption there are race issues. Asians are quiet. Asians are smart. Are they? Do they have to be? Is that what is expected? Or is it what is ingrained in our culture so we just believe it pushing those unrealistic expectations on to children who are Asian.
Anna is twenty years old now, and adoption day was nineteen years ago. So much time has passed. So much love. So much healing. So much love that brought healing.
But
Adoption is not a fairytale. Adoption means there was loss. And pain.
And nineteen years ago, yes, my heart was filled to brim. I couldn't love anyone more on the planet. And the moment she was placed in my arms I would have died for her.
But it's not about my dream of becoming a mama or Scott's dream of becoming a daddy, or our dream of becoming parents... a little family of our own.
This day is about Anna.
And although I can't erase all that she has and will endure in this life, I can love her oh so much.
And grateful. I feel grateful today for the story God began writing all those years ago. And so grateful that we were put together.
Anna, I love you so much. My heart sometimes just thinking about it can barely hold the amount of love I feel for you. I adore being your mama.
Happy adoption day sweet girl.
Here are all of the links:
Here is a link to 18 years home
The 'story of Anna' part 1
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