I'm sure it was the same for you with your first baby. I can remember every first holiday with Anna like it was yesterday. If I close my eyes I can actually still feel those feelings wash over me. I'm grateful for that. Those memories God gave me.
~ Home was Never Sweeter Than Now ~
I knew during her first Christmas, Easter, birthday... that I was in the middle of something very special. I didn't want to hear one more person tell me, "watch, you'll blink and she'll be all grown up" So I didn't blink. Well, I blinked, but I kept my eyes, ears, heart open and locked away every detail. I knew back then that I didn't want to feel like I missed anything. I left teaching. I had no hesitation writing my letter of resignation. I couldn't bear to miss one single moment with her.
That first year my Dad offered to watch Anna so Scott and I could run to a store up the street. Almost walking distance. We went to look for invitations for her Baptism. But two minutes in the store and I couldn't breathe. And we rushed home. That was me. And in a way, still is.
There was just something about her face I couldn't be without.
That first year I was so attached to her. Physically attached to her. If you watch any "baby movies"... just the raw footage I'm constantly holding her. Walking around with her on hip. Kissing her. Touching her. I lost a friend of touching her and being with her too much. She said something like why couldn't I be normal at a playdate and just just let Anna toddle around without having to sit on the floor with her, play with her, touch her? I say thank goodness I didn't stop. Thank goodness I was 'too attached' to her. I didn't know then anything about Post Traumatic stress disorder. God just placed that need in me to be physically with her because He knew that her heart needed to heal. She needed to be taught what love was. What a mother was.
I know I felt that way back then. I know I'll always feel that way. Just in case you're wondering one day Anna, I cherish being your mama. Cherish it. I can't imagine my heart more filled with love for you. I didn't blink. I soaked in every single day with you and I loved it. Still do.
Easter 2005 ~ 22 months
Oh those cheeks, those baby lips, and her China eyes. Swoon.
I am teary eyed, Tara.
ReplyDeleteBecause it is so beautiful.
Because it is so true.
Because I know your heart.
Because it is the same as mine. : )