On leaving them

I remember this day. I had gone to a play with my parents the evening before. Anna and Abigail were staying over at Uncle Trent and Auntie Jackie's house. All through the evening Trent was texting me funny pictures of my girls and the wonderful fun memories they were making.

But after the play (which was amazing "Show Boat" my all time favorite ever musical because my dad and I danced to that song on my wedding day 20 years earlier) Anyway... after the play I got a migraine. The kind of headache you get when you have to have your head between your legs while the car is moving.

Back then I literally got a huge headache every single time I left my girls. School was fine, that was a routine. But anything out of the routine I had a headache. Poor Scott!

That's when we started 'at home' date nights.

This is the picture I have from the next morning. After the sleepover, I went over to pick them up at dawn. Headache gone.

They are still in their nightgowns from Uncle Trent's house. And I look all better.



I don't get migraines any more, but I still have anxiety leaving them. I'm not worried that something will happen. I'm not really a worrier. I was just missing them. Aching for them. So much so that I got those headaches.

One time my parents gave us a generous gift certificate for a restaurant for our anniversary. Right near their house. Perfect. The girls have dinner and some play time at grandma and grandpas, we go out to dinner.

But that time it (migraines) had happened so many times I took advil BEFORE I left them at my parents.

I don't have to take advil anymore when I leave them, but I'm still terrible at it. Still get that ache in my heart. Still can't wait to have them back home with me again.

I guess I knew this when I was younger. I couldn't go anywhere without my dolls. Always with me.



I choose not to worry about the future and how I'll survive them growing up. I just smile and whisper in their ears "just stay little, just stay little, just stay little."